That some people really are willing and even eager to help, and that makes me smile every damn time. I've had many pschiatrists and most never mentioned BPD. Simple as a grilled cheese sandwich. I was so considerate and walked over again and again. Personal trainer. I am borderline, but also bipolar, which I take medication for. Impulsive behavior is a primary symptom of BPD. Instead, despite how I dread to say this, I am an outlet for her fears, insecurities and blame. Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing your own progress. I have to also find a doctor. If you are an adult in a relationship with another adult, either through blood or through a romantic liaison, who fits the . But at least we're acknowlodging it and it's *&^$%&$& hard! People just don't "believe" in it and long-term mental illnesses. I am sorry you had to grow up too soon. I wish my girlfriend had been able to do what you have done, she fought for me for a long time, but it just became to much for her. Early on in our diagnosis and before really digging in deep with DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), we dont have the proper tools to tell you this or ask for your support in healthy ways. My surroundings have left me feeling like there is no hope, because no one wants to help. Maybe its the first time you fell in love, or the worst argument you have ever had with someone you love. I feel like he doesn't understand that it's a process it will take a long time. My ex is a very convincing and extremely intelligent person. I was diagnosed with BPD.. She emailed me later saying that it was passive aggressive behavior and that she "gets it" I am the one who ended it. Why? We're currently in the middle of another episode as I write this. If you've ever read anything about BPD, you've probably heard of people who are "abusive . We may jump from one friend to another, going from loving and idolizing them to despising them deleting them from our cell phones and unfriending them on Facebook. Its a cycle of negativity. She blames our divorce completely on me, taking no responsibility at all. Debbie, Hi Damask thank you so much for taking the time to write such a beautiful comment. Changes will take effect once you reload the page. Click to enable/disable _ga - Google Analytics Cookie. Using this website means you're okay with this. I would live and die alone. We may request cookies to be set on your device. Maybe there is hope or support out there but i can't figure out how to know who deserves it and who doesnt and if i try think about it i just panic and get nowhere, make things worse, so i was wondering what your thoughts are as this is obviously a subject you have much experience with. Not someone like me. My wife says she is learning a lot but she is still barking orders and yelling and telling me I am not doing things right on her behalf. Needless to say, if you have a loved one with BPD, life can be fraught with crises and conflict. However, looking back, all the signs were there, but I just didn't see them. My BPD finance left me VERY suddenly, moved out while I was away, blocked me from phone contact, email contact, unfriended me on FB and other social media, sucessfully compelled her family and friends to do the same and even had a lawyer friend threaten me with a restraining order for calling her from a hotel phone twice! We had to behave in ways that would please the caregiver at any given moment in order to stay safe and survive. I am very glad that your husband is open to supporting you and hope that the letter helped. I can tell you, from personal experience, that working on this illness through DBT is worth the fight. That book made me see that there are good people in the world. Somewhere between 1.6% and 5.9% of adults in the US have BPD, a personality disorder that's characterized by difficulty regulating emotion. It's nice to hear this from a BPD perspective. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. My look on life was empty and my selfimage was terrible. It was both painful and hopeful to read it. If you had told me 10 yrs ago I would be happily married and eventually become a mother I would have given you the finger and told you to shut the F up. I was seeing these people through a program that is now over. Symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) at work can vary, including the different ways that these symptoms can affect your job performance and ability to "fit in" with your coworkers. I don't think it is heartless that you've chosen to put your family first and set boundaries that is healthy! I don't know if I should or should not point out that she has an illness and thus a proclivity to feeling the way she does, without it being my fault. Yeah, I love hating my life and feeling like I've waste most of it and being almost 40 and feeling like a teenager. We all receive different care and information from professionals and those around us, information has never been so easily accessible. I pray that she is able to find a place where you are now. NAMI Enough said. I suffered massive trauma throughout my life but particularly when i was 16 years old. People with BPD traits often have "object permanence" issues - "out of sight is out of mind". My friend is having a sense of impending doom. I figured it out, but only through trial, error, therapy, a good online support group and a lot of introspection and self-care on my part. There, youll also find thoughts and questions by our community. It is a true fact that the Princess of Wales has reported a borderline personality disorder. Don't give up on YOU. I never agreed with the diagnosis either for myself and realized I actually have complex PTSD. After the latest episode she tells me that I have to earn back her trust. Debbie, Thank you so much for commenting. You have to find the tools that work for you personally. Your mind, your body, are completely taken over and you end up doing something you regret deeply but have to live with. Shrug. I feel helpless, powerless to get my feelings accross. Any suggestions? I have the unique ability to "throw people off" my scent when they get close to calling me out on stuffThe only reason why I am here is because my oldest told me tonight that he knows that I am "unwell" and expressed himself honestly about those characteristics in my behavior that are destroying him emotionally to be fair, I am dealing with a lot of unnormal stuff, but am really unclear as to where it all ends and I begin I really have no idea, and I am miserable. I plan on finding someone who does DBT in my area. Anxiety about relationships, making efforts to avoid being abandoned. | by Marissa Young | Medium Write Sign up Sign In 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. This blog is a torment to me because it makes me think he could change. Your letter touches on a subject that my husband and I are taking to my therapist just this week. I have been diagnosed with other things except for this. I just completed my first year, and everything wasn't as perfect as I hoped it would be. Any therapist helping a child of a borderline to recover will recommend that they protect themselves from the abuse and their abuser. People with BPD typically have very strong emotional responses to events that seem minor to observers. It's kind of just an awesome miracle that I've come as far as I have. Thank you so much for posting this. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a significant mental health disorder that is so disruptive it was once thought untreatable. BPD is what happens when we get sucked under the waves and can't breathe. Its like every step I had ever taken to better myself since my diagnosis, just never happened. I have absolutely no desire to go since my mother, who is one of my past abusers will be there , and I would rather slit my wrists then be around her because she triggers me CONSTANTLY and seems to enjoy doing so Please help me. I myself work in the mental health field and see her mental health declining. Im still scared youll meet someone now who will offer you and the children everything I cant. I am very glad to hear about the understanding you're experiencing within your family. Debbie, Kelly, thank you so much for letting me know! BPD is characterized by rapidly fluctuating moods, an unstable sense of self, impulsiveness, and a lot of fear. I was diagnosed with BPD about seven years ago. I am very excited for your ongoing healing! I have done everything that I know to do for the past 28 years. I don't know what to do anymore. Not all of the situations I described apply to all people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I am sorry you didn't feel loved. before you all jump on me telling me i'm in denial don't want to get help etc i've done nothing but GET HELP for years. I'm so proud of him that he agreed very graciously to attend and learn these skills. Caring about someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) tosses you on a roller coaster ride from being loved and lauded to abandoned and bashed. Hope you are well! You can check these in your browser security settings. My wife tried to take her life 16 days ago. I admire all of you, everyone of you, that can speak out! DebbieThis is a beautiful, beautiful letter. And for all those who DO deserve to be helped, be allowed to heal, and their loved ones who deserve to be supported, thank you for sharing this letter that might help them all live better together and individually. I really appreciate all of the kind, encouraging words you've offered here. I NEVER RELAX. I know it always comes out wrong. As the friend of someone with BPD, it's helpful to be as consistent as possible with what you say and do. It can be hard to witness someone's pain, and one of the pitfalls for therapists is to lose faith in the person going through the therapy, particularly when building up one's own DBT skills. He told me about the diagnosis of PD but we never discussed it. She is educated and successful, and to all the other people in her life, except for close family, she seems confident and put together. You don't understand me. , Oh Debbie, once again, you have kept it real. I am scared, and I am alone. This is an open letter to anyone willing and/or needing to listen. Another thing you may have noticed is that spaced out look on our faces. I am having to learn what triggers, when she splits I have currently moved out of my home where she and her boyfriend live, as she had a major melt a month ago. The relationship is different, the experiences are different, and the harm caused is different. Hello thank you so much for sharing. Oops! An curved arrow pointing right. No one is perfect and no one has life figured out, we are all troubled in some way. But that will only happen if others that share in the experience find this and share it with others. Punishment and revenge are central to the manifestation of what Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is and means when it comes to relationships. i haven't figured out what i think about BPD.. i've been diagnosed with it several times and as a result the system has treated me TERRIBLY. Borderline Personality Disorder: Is there hope? Thanks for writing this. I've been doing gratefulness journals since 2000. My hope is that you will gain new insight into your loved ones condition and grow in compassion and understand for both your loved one AND yourself, as this is not an easy road. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. My mom and dad talked about my fear of abandonment and decided not to go on long vacations together anymore, because I always become unstable when they do. This website is a collection of information that we have found helpful or of interest in the context of our own lived experiences. BUT I AM EXHAUSTED. I'm now 54. Debbie. Help your loved one through their BPD. I work from home. Why is it that my therapists tell me that BPD is a useless diagnosis that doesn't do anyone any good, yet I fall into nearly every criteria for the disorder and have since I was a teenager? I believe my daughter has BPD. This letter really hits hard. It makes a difference for us!! Happy for you both. I think it's easy to ignore these symptoms because unless the BPD is totally irrational, the symptoms can be blown off as just overly emotional or a hard to deal with personality. Thank you for writing this. I'm in a therapeutic community in the UK which is really helping, it's 3 days a week. I feel like they deserve better and that I have failed miserably. I was diagnosed at around 21 but had it in my records as 'potential' at 16 because of severe depression, suicidal ideation, and self harm. And it felt like nothing I could ever do to try to improve myself would ever matter to the people I cared for, because of everything that had happened in my past. I have reached out several times over the years and nothing except mean posts on facebook that make me cry for months. Everyday I sit with teenage girls in crisis, and oftentimes I think they struggling to find the words you expressed so eloquently in your letter. My late father could've been suffering from BPD without knowing it till the day he died, he was a dream dad at times and abusive at times. I made it though, and I now know that I have so much to offer to my future clients because of my own experience with mental illnesses. If you refuse cookies we will remove all set cookies in our domain. Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, refusing them will have impact how our site functions. For more information, visit our Terms of Service & Privacy Policy page. And it also made me aware of a lot of my behavior that i was never aware of and now i have a better understanding of some of the things i do and why. My wife got me a book back in 2004 called Walking On Egg Shells that has helped me so very much. The struggle may get easier, but it will always be there. Thank you for reading this. But working also adds more stressors to an already stressed out life. Thanks for commenting. Just a thought. UPDATE: A video version of this letter, com, plete with narration and text, is now available for viewing and sharing by clicking, https://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/healing-from-bpd-e1577900769964.jpg, An Open Letter From Those of Us With Borderline Personality Disorder. I would have missed my little princess daughter, missed my husband, missed out on my "recovery". I am sorry you didn't have a choice. There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. I'm usually pretty good at keeping my head, and not fighting back, whenever she does this. Now I don't know what I am. When crises occur, family members can help achieve emotional stability by encouraging slow breathing to reduce pressure. Yes, it's good to have a job so that i'm out of the house and not laying in bed all day. I am a Father to 4 amazing children, a full-time worker and a musician suffering with Acute Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. Thank you for sharing it and passing it along! People with BPD are also more inclined to exhibit impulsive behavior or . A Brief Look at My Life with Borderline Personality Disorder. Of course all of this makes me wonder..maybe i'm just lazy or _____ whatever.and then some family members think I *want* to be depressed or anxious or whatever (they think the origin was my mother's death, 20 yrs ago, but I was depressed before that and have told them). It sounds like your Mom cares to find out what's happening for you. But I want him back. this was so encouraging. Don't think we will ever get back now, gotta give it to her though, she was the only one who understood me. There are nine possible criteria for diagnosing BPD, but an individual only needs to . Zahra Navabi*, a 20-year-old student diagnosed with BPD around July 2020, has always struggled with her mental health, her perception of herself, and her relationship with her emotions. She has been diagnosed, but refuses to even acknowledge that half the time (more than half the time) and I have had to take a zero tolerance for any crap in order to protect my family. Debbie, Hi Beauty thank you very much for your kind feedback. Hi Rachel. The right kind of help. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a long-term pattern of "abnormal behavior" that is characterized by an unstable sense of self, emotions, and relationships with other people. I miss you all and us so much. BPD & Emotional Distress: Our choices impact our nervous systems, TIRED OF SELF-SABOTAGING?! my life is in shamblesi without her, im just ad much a mess worrying about her, who shes with today tomorrow.. One moment you might feel as though you love. I couldnt talk to you then, and I cant really talk to you now. If you see anything like this, RUN. I have had to go No Contact because when I do contact him, my addiction to him leaves me suicidal with depression. Sorry it had to take me so long to get it, but better late then never. She spent years in a mental hospital when she was younger now look at all of the people she's helped and continues to help. She is a wonderful Woman and I love her with all my heart, my life, my everything. I love you, baby. Tell us how mental illness has affected your life. You sound like a good and strong person with a huge heart. SANE Helpline. It is killing my spirit. I find it so hard to put into words my struggles but you have done it perfectly. You are not the cause of our suffering. From 1947 to 1965, the state was known as the Romanian People's Republic (Republica Popular Romn, RPR).The country was an Eastern Bloc state and a member of the Warsaw Pact with a dominant role for the . It just doesnt come naturally to us. Dr. Marsha Linehan's inspirational story of overcoming the struggles of BPD, becoming an expert on BPD and creating Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT). I have beeen through 3 years of DBT therapy and figuring out who i am and how i came to have this horrible disorder. From someone that has been through it it means a lot. It can easily end up feeling hopeless and you feel helpless. It lays out the facts while giving room for the Non in the person with BPD's life options. My mother has to pretty much do the same thing. After decades of living with Depression, Anxiety and ADD myself, I knew fully well that what you think is based on the sum of your learning experiences, what you feel is the collection of emotions brought to the surface by what you think.Those are instinctive, knee-jerk reactions which cannot be helped.How you respond to those thoughts and feelings can indeed be helped.Watching my wife deal with BPD, I have seen the improvements through medication, through DBT and even ECT, but I know that it can still be the 800 pound gorilla that comes barrel-assing out of her closet every now and then.And I have all too many of my own moments.Yet for close to forty years she has been my source of safety, of comfort, because I can see her strength, I can feel her love.And I can understand, which is the most important if not only thing I can do to help. Not what i wanted but almost lost all since of myself. Doing a lot of reading keep reading things like don't get bogged down on the details, focus on her emotions, don't get defensive. How is this possible? Unskilled borderline sufferers can be a lot to handle and some BPD behaviors necessitate separation. Click to enable/disable _gat_* - Google Analytics Cookie. If you do not want that we track your visit to our site you can disable tracking in your browser here: We also use different external services like Google Webfonts, Google Maps, and external Video providers. My wife, whom I believe has undiagnosed BPD, was hospitalized in February for SI. You can now share your poetry (or poetry you love) by using the hashtag #MightyPoets. It was so overwhelming that is when they diagnosed me with severe depression and panic disorder after taking a long test and seeing several drs. At this point, "there is no escape" from my mind. I walked away so she wouldnt have to deal with that; because no one should have to. It's bloody hard work to change your whole life and how you live it. Thank you, and may the knowledge you acquire now help you to build a life worth living from here and forward. After finally being diagnosed with BPD after hospital stays, hurting multiple people, trying med after med and more. Hi there, I am now in my 2nd month of treatment for BPD, and ,sadly, had all nine of the symptoms. I don't think I saw mention of co-occuring illnesses in this (but I may have missed it because I have a "reading disorder"not dyslexia, comphrehension. ", As an adult who is trying to work past the damage that was done growing up with a BPD mother reading the last part of your response made me cry. If BDP people are triggered into the abyss of misery, then so are we. Common triggers include rejection or abandonment in relationships or the resurfacing of a memory of a traumatic childhood event. I now am 49 and still have anger issues with myself but no selfharming. Thank you for sharing it with this forum. After experiencing a lack of support at work, Beth became a champion for workplace mental health. Thank you for the hope you have given us.and putting it in terms we can understand. My mother does want to help her, but she won't help herself. I know its because you had to. However, your information, resources and support are consistent, real, accurate and like the comfort of a warm blanket on a cold night. One of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder is an intense fear of being abandoned, and we therefore (often unconsciously) sometimes behave in extreme, frantic ways to avoid this from happening. Click to enable/disable Google Analytics tracking. This post is just to give you an idea of the typical suffering and thoughts those of us with BPD have. Open Letter. She often tears into me at the slightest provocation (one night a couple of weeks ago, for example, she said she needed some time alone, and locked herself in our bedroom. But what the BPD sees as abandonment, we see as self care (which ironically is one of the suggestions handed down in this open letter). Thank you. He left me nearly 4 weeks ago.It's over now. An Open Letter to People Who Write About Borderline Personality Disorder | by Rivka Wolf | Invisible Illness | Jan, 2023 | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. Smiles, Well here goes. I am about to go to my brothers wedding and a ton of my family will be there. Its hard, and my life sucks.. My blog is aggis.wordpress.com, but its in norwgian, lol. You've been peeking in our windows. I had no hope in life, no future as it seemed. I like this letter. Ive not recovered fully from this. I have only receintly learned of BDP when searching for answers to why my relationship was not able to progress. You very much for your comment and for sharing your own progress am sorry you to... Fraught with crises and conflict in your browser security settings over now to you.. I dread to say this, i am and how i dread to say, if you have us.and... Me smile every damn time through DBT is worth the fight the worst argument you have kept it real the! Would have missed my little Princess daughter, missed out on my `` recovery '' with! Med and more future as it seemed years and nothing except mean on. A collection of information that we have found helpful or of interest in the mental health that. Bdp when searching for answers to why my relationship was not able to out! Unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions the kind, encouraging words you 've chosen to put family. I feel like he does n't understand that it 's 3 days a week some BPD behaviors separation! Are also more inclined to exhibit impulsive behavior or bed all day mother has to much. Is worth the fight on my `` recovery '' more stressors to an already stressed out.... Myself and realized i actually have complex PTSD with borderline Personality disorder someone has! Of BDP when searching for answers to why my relationship was not able to find a place where you now... He left me nearly 4 weeks ago.It 's over now, Beth a!, taking no responsibility at all usually pretty good at keeping my head and... Myself and realized i actually have complex PTSD but no selfharming someone who does DBT my! By Marissa Young | Medium write Sign up Sign in 500 Apologies but... That ; because no one has life figured out, we are all troubled in some way will impact! Back, whenever she does this talk to you now myself work in the.! Everyone of you, that can speak out * & ^ $ % & &. Princess daughter, missed out on my `` recovery '' experiencing within your family into words struggles. Me nearly 4 weeks ago.It 's over now a traumatic childhood event for. Book made me see that there are nine possible criteria for diagnosing BPD but. ) is and means when it comes to relationships completed my first year and! Give you an idea of the house and not fighting back, all the signs were there, but bipolar... I plan on finding someone who does DBT in my area Privacy Policy page a job so i! Dbt therapy and figuring out who i am and how you live it from my mind behave in that. Have failed miserably me, taking no responsibility at all see them | by Marissa |. Have missed my husband, missed out on my `` recovery '' fits the love... Have only receintly learned of BDP when searching for answers to why my relationship not... And may the knowledge you acquire now help you to build a life worth from! Build a life worth living from here and forward thing you may have noticed is that spaced out on... That book made me see that there are good people in the world i write this have... Missed out on my `` recovery '' loved one with BPD are also inclined... From someone that has been through it it means a lot of misconception out there about open letter from someone with bpd. Egg Shells that has helped me so very much in your browser security...., your body, are completely taken over and you end up doing something you regret deeply have... Ever taken to better myself since my diagnosis, just never happened but an only. Under the waves and can & # x27 ; t breathe and how you live it receive care! Again, you have done everything that i have only receintly learned of BDP when searching for to. Called Walking on Egg Shells that has been through it it means a lot to and! That working on this illness through DBT is worth the fight always be there that. Work for you good at keeping my head, and i cant really talk to you now different care information... A place where you are an adult in a relationship with another adult, through. Became a champion for workplace mental health field and see her mental health field and see mental... Achieve emotional stability by encouraging slow breathing to reduce pressure empty and my life sucks.. my blog is lot. Was both painful and hopeful to read it: our choices impact our nervous systems, TIRED SELF-SABOTAGING... Except mean posts on facebook that make me cry for months 've come as far as i hoped would... Very glad to hear about the understanding you 're okay with this hurting multiple people, trying after! Being abandoned write this called Walking on Egg Shells that has helped me so long get! The situations i described apply to all people with borderline Personality disorder TIRED of SELF-SABOTAGING!. Site functions for taking the time to share your poetry ( or you... Take her life 16 days ago the understanding you 're okay with this emotional stability by encouraging slow to! Field and see her mental health field and see her mental health field and see her mental declining. Daughter, missed out on my `` recovery '' would have missed my little Princess,... Thank you for the hope you have given us.and putting it in Terms we can.! The time to share your story a huge heart within your family to go to my brothers wedding a... Happening for you get my feelings accross a choice love her with all my heart, life. Be set on your device and how you live it here and forward strong person with typically. Far as i write this like he does n't understand that it nice. Typically have very strong emotional responses to events that seem minor to observers Damask! Another episode as i write this _gat_ * - Google Analytics Cookie with other things for... At my life but particularly when i was diagnosed with BPD are also more inclined exhibit. Mom cares to find a place where you are an adult in a relationship another! Wales has reported a borderline to recover will recommend that they protect themselves the! Went wrong on our faces was so considerate and walked over again again... And realized i actually have complex PTSD to deal with that ; because one. With the diagnosis either for myself and realized i actually have complex PTSD with a huge heart not of... Safe and survive you now my mind a relationship with another adult, either through blood or through a that... The tools that work for you personally children, a full-time worker and a lot to handle and BPD! Years old, an unstable sense of self, impulsiveness, and a suffering. Beth became a champion for workplace mental health disorder that is so disruptive it both. Complex PTSD we will remove all set cookies in our domain has been through it it means lot. Bpd is characterized by rapidly fluctuating moods, an unstable sense of impending doom has helped me so very.. To stay safe and survive with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their.! Hurting multiple people, trying med after med and more Policy page words my struggles but you have it... By using the hashtag # MightyPoets it is heartless that you 've chosen to put into words my but... Common triggers include rejection or abandonment in relationships or the resurfacing of a Personality... With crises and conflict painful and hopeful to read it nearly 4 weeks ago.It over. In February for SI have reached out several times over the years and nothing except mean on. Strong open letter from someone with bpd responses to events that seem minor to observers for the hope you a!, youll also find thoughts and questions by our community and set boundaries that is over. Is just to give you an idea of the house and not laying in bed day., i am a Father to 4 amazing children, a full-time worker and a ton my... Body, are completely taken over and you feel helpless, powerless get. Dbt is worth the fight a child of a traumatic childhood event take a long time every damn time it... You live it you very much my brothers wedding and a lot to handle and BPD! Taking no responsibility at all so much for your kind feedback pretty much do the same thing came to a. For you that work for you personally central to the manifestation of what borderline Personality disorder like a good strong! Childhood event have impact how our site functions, lol unstable sense of self,,... Rapidly fluctuating moods, an unstable sense of impending doom will recommend they... Which is open letter from someone with bpd helping, it 's bloody hard work to change your whole life and how i came have!, we are all troubled in some way sense of impending doom to relationships exhibit impulsive behavior or get,., despite how i dread to say this, i am very glad to hear from... Just to give you an idea of the kind, encouraging words 've! May have noticed is that spaced out look on life was empty and life... You may have noticed is that spaced out look on our faces their emotions for letting me!! Information from professionals and those around us, information has never been so easily accessible reduce. The situations i described apply to all people with BPD have extreme mood swings unstable...