I hope he gets the help he needs! That is my H 100%! Fortunately, theres a If I'm sick or hurt (e.g. Interesting. Sign #10: Not protective over you at all. I handle everything around the house, she "The unexpected" threatens their sense of fragile balance. Not only that, it seems as if he's always angry or aggravated when I need him. His answer,"Something you enjoy. I will always do my best but not at the price of my sanity.". I know when Im sick I tell my boyfriend to just give me space and let me sleep and have him take over kiddo duty for a bit. What is often harder for me is the hundreds of other things small and large that have made our lives SO MUCH more difficult than it ever had to be. Don't just expect the world of her for multiple days when she's working already. That lasted about 6 months for us and about 2 years for me to get over. He doesn't want to connect it with his choices of not doing relationships very well, if at all. Some people have zero bedside manner. All part of marriage, I guess. WebMy girlfriend thinks I don't care for her but I do she's been sick for the past two days and I been trying to be nice by doing mostly everything for her I have to walk her to the bathroom give her medicine wash dishes pick up her groceries try to cook even though I'm not that good at it I have to get the bathtub filled for her I try my best to Reach out in an inviting way. Nothing. And I'm also feeling better. Very very low tolerance since this is completely unforgivable as it should be? After all, when he is around me he can make me miserable by extension of his bad mood. 1) Shes never on your side. Lol. OMG. I don't believe the behavior is intentional in my case. I thought it was me who was being unreasonable but after reading all these posts I am beginning to believe that those with ADHD who chose to do nothing about it should not be allowed to enter into relationships. I still have another five weeks before the next set of X-rays, and have been off it this whole time: orthopedist's orders. And that look on his face is what I will always remember. I am very organized so I planned for thenext 20 days. Stubbornness, not listening, victim mentality, and lack of awareness of life in general that gets overwhelming for me, which makes being in a "marriage" even more challenging. Also, "he does not have time to deal with the insurance company or taking me to get a rental car the next day, so I will have to find my own ride to the car rental company". At one point my manager demanded I go see a medical doctor, which I already had, and because I was past two weeks of antibiotics and still sick, I was refused treatment. Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 17:29. The Empathy/Systemising Quotient deals with the degree of emotional engagement vs systemising - an analytical deconstruction of inputs and outputs. On this basis, there must have been a time when she did care for you, but since it has happened so many times, she has no more 'empathy' to give in these situations. There is a lot going on in that active brain and it takes a lot of inward attention to keep going. Being a victim keeps him justified in his anger at the world, that life didn't treat him fair, and no one gave him what he DESERVED ,because he deserved so much more than he got. Bring her gatorade, soup, crackers, etc. But still, if I do get sick and need something, he's there, doing whatever. My A-Hole ex Husband was a jerk to me when I broke my foot the year before we divorced. Make him whatever type of soup he wants, bring him medicine, rub his head etc. He finally, after our friends begged him to get therapy so he wouldn't lose a good woman, said he would go. He then proceeded to rip me a new one, in front of his parents. He didn't take me to the hospital, just put me back to bed. Sometimes it's commitment to dinner hour where you discuss things together (rather than eating alone). It dramatically affected my relationship for the worse. He told I just had the flu and went to bed. And although I don't think I have verbalized it completely just yet, I KNOW that THIS is the total crux of MY difficulty with H. We LOVE differently. But, that wouldn't have lasted either, after she got to KNOW him, because she too would have wanted some love "in return". There are a lot of comments here about how this isn't an ADHD trait, and should be seen as a selfish or abusive behaviour. I recorded it and ran to my room in tears and he knew I was crying since the 3rd person, a teenager, begged him to get help and to console me. Press J to jump to the feed. Yeap, but there are moments I'm being shitty too so I thought to myself this is just fair. I had to research natural things that brought up the NK Killer cell count (there is no medical treatment for it unlike other immune deficiencies), and now it is almost gone thanks to the protocol the doctor let me put him on. I am married for 10 years late in life now 60 ..and moved to Spain after 18 months I took the real flu I was in bed for 6 weeks with only sips of w That's why the 'pursuit' or 'in your face' strategy that you are using fails. Duped again. I occasionally get teary about it, my feelings were so hurt. No words. Wanting to CONNECT? (I think men dont care I'm going to be honesy) however when he is sick he expects me to stay in with him all day and if I go out hes constantly asking me to come home and gets angry if I'm out to long (he gets angry if I'm out to long anyway) he is unemployed and has a lot of time on his hands in this circumstance yet when I'm with him I have about 2 percent of his attention and that's just simple responses. He made me pay that year for leaving. When she start ignoring you and letting you do what you want, then you have a problem. WebWe Damaged Our Relationship When We Forgot to Care For Each Other Then we would take turns blaming each other. When I got to the ER and they did a CAT scan, they said it was about to burst. Being unhelpful when someone is sick or injured strongly suggests either Borderline PD or Narcissistic PD. I was ready to leave and here I was, with another kind of affected person in my life. After a month of separation, I was so happy that I started packing to go back. But I text him and found out his wife was bipolar and in and out of hospitals. Please ask around or ask someone in your family to get online and see what public options are available for you- to either improve your eye sight or get back to your home country. I offered to set it up on his phone but of course he won't relinquish his phone, which is another story, and the primary basis of my divorce request. Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. I'm glad that's 'not in your nature'except that it is. During those 6 weeks, his helpfulness consisted of taking a empty laundry basket back downstairs to the laundry room and picking up dinner from a fast food drive thru Once! It's not just the ADHD, but he won't go get a full evaluation. I have taken you for granted. WebIm worried about my chest pain. They want something done and over with, right then. I do agree with you. Other times? Pain beyond belief. Later Ilet him know I am very sick and need some help. Anyway, I digress. Who in their crazy mind would love to feel as the second best on someones life; throwing you with nothing but crumbs, and competing for their attention and love. Please share ~ the relief is amazing! When I confront him about what I'm thinking about how he acts, he becomes defensive and gets angry. Imagine that. And I can tell you one thing without a doubt or question in my mind? They ruin too many peoples lives. So, again, it's about him. I often hear that if a person wants to be with you, they will. I gave him other numbers to call of other therapist and he put the cards aside. Fortunately, I feel a little better now. I like the don't be upset if I pull a you on you comment. He is generous to others but asks me when I can pay him back. I'm waiting for a serious operation and is in a lot of pain, there is been challenges and getting the surgery. Then, why the * are they looking for a life partner in the first place?. We all experience them. When she left for work she didn't even say goodbye. Of course, he doesn't understand why I can't go run errands with him because it's not a big deal that I've got a slight fever. THAT ONE TIME was all a therapist needed to hear to identify a personality disorder. He is kind to the elderly detailing their cars and mine goes to the car wash. Are you 5 years old? When the youngest was very ill, diagnosed with multiple strains of Lyme disease, other tick borne infections like Erlichia, I was really afraid. During those 30 days I saw a good neurologist and was diagnosed with an Autoimmune neurological condition that can be life threatening. Its good to have a healthy balance. You're not the victim the kids are. I do believe he is plagued internally by his demons and if I can't show compassion and let go of resentment, I would surely hate him for marrying me. In the second, you instell a desire to avoid you, not connect. Anyone that is a professional or been told by a professional whether this is one or the other? registered trademarks of Ziff Davis Canada, Inc. and may not be used by third parties without And that I was stuck in their recliner for near a week to keep my foot elevated - should have been longer but I moved my business back into my office to keep the agitation down. Theyve been together for 15 So, when he was telling me "he loved me", it wasn't an IN LOVE, it was just more of a friend love. Qualities many w ADDdo not possess. There is no reason under the son a man or woman should be second to anyone when it comes to survival in health, shelter or love period. The garage is large, and I can barely walk through it from all his tools and projects all over the floor. Submitted by vabeachgal on Sun, 04/16/2017 - 10:08. Diagnosed with severe and life-changing migraines in 2014, she has since been on a journey of better health and recovery despite the growing and the complex number of medical issues she faces. He lovesfamily when they are joking with him, but not if they need him. But all in all, the things he does, the neglect I feel only makes ME feel not as loved as I want but that is because I grew up very differently from him in a normal very loving household and his mother was bipolar, his father a narcissist bully, and his brothers suffer bipolar issues as well. Third possible explanation: your wife doesn't want to get sick and thus avoids you? WebBeen married 13+ yrs and anytime I am sick, according to him I act like I am dying. Lets look at the options: 1. Award-winning bookBuy paperbackBuy KindleBuy audiobookFree chaptersMore info, I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. I've had to take a de-greaser and scrub them all down to get the old slimy grease off of all of them. Then there's talking, just plain having a conversation, without it being a type of lecture or loud daydream with tons of plans for the "next project" that will either never get done, or get half done, never to be finished. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. He can't take me to hospital or buy me drugs with his money even when am crying in pain! ).the instant I said I didn't feel wellshe put her hand on my forehead.went..OMGgot a thermometer and took my temperature.as one might think one should do in a situation like that? My husband had the worst tantrum in front of a third person. My cough doesnt produce anything other than an exsmokers clean up. The unfinished projects and dreams. My husband is friendly and nice until I am sick. A few years back I got really sick with many physical and neurological symptoms and was diagnosed with Late stage Lyme disease and many co infections. I will always do my best but not at the price of my sanity. WebFirst we must examine if he is afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience. Perhaps he would consider reading the free treatment e-book (look in the treatment guide for it) and also consider adding some 'attend time' to his schedule. Some people wait until the water is visibly murky before performing maintenance on the tank. She says take medicine or go to doctor. If you feel leaving him will make you happy then do it. But it's certainly something that could have become a serious problem if we didn't communicate. If there IS, it's usually in a complaint or verbal assault on someone or something, that irritated him, again, "at the moment". She was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and work. I'm feeling better now! And for this, I am truly, deeply sorry. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Second, gently encourage him to connect. Isn't THAT ironic? To live content with small means; to be worthy, not respectable; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, this is my symphony. How does someone even DO that? However Ive come to the realization that hes not the same as me. He will leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not even so much ask if I need anything at all. Do you think being obnoxious made him FOND of me? Threatening to get seriously ill and find ways to make dad a villainboth deeply traumatizing things to do to your own kids. WebYES, YOU CAN! Submitted by ppester1 on Thu, 03/02/2017 - 14:44. He wrote me a letter saying how he fell in love in college, and she left him, and he didn't want to feel "that hurt" again, so he basically shut "that part" of himself down, so that he wouldn't FEEL that. Hearing him speak kindly of other folks, being gentler in his speech, since he KNOWS how unkind the world can be. When he arrived, he did not hug me, ask how I was, or show ANY CARE. But that's not what will happen if you marry a man with kids, and he'll pull the "but my kids" trump card on you all the time in BS waysto justify his own selfishness. But it was terrible to watch my child suffer like that. I did not realize asking someone if they needed anything or just giving a comforting hug was petting. Submitted by AdeleS6845 on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 08:44. I haven't been yelled at once while expressing myself. I learned about myself and learned some hard lessons. I just need a bit of support lol anyway, my wife won't be back until 4 PM. I was loving, generous, worked hard, tried to say things in kinder ways as to not hurt his feelings, tried many, many things to connect, or just spend some time with him. Communicate to your wife how much this sexless existence is torturing you because of your great love for her. Gosh, feel better! I like what Melissa said earlier, about becoming the person our husbands fell in love with. He stormed up to me, angrily, shouting WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? There are so many things he's broken or worked on, which have just become junk and broken down in the yard, garage and inside the house. Recently I was knocked down by a "I am a genius", "I have a genius IQ", "" I should have been someone important, and I could have been, If only I was given a chance". I do this sometimes. ADHD, doesn't give you the liberty of that most of the time. My wife wants to be left alone all I want is take care of her just be there for her to help her I don't understand when I'm sick I love for her to take care of me maybe just hold my hand any one can help me, After 22 years of marriage , I've learned this the hard way and am done once our oldest has graduated high school. We already talked last night and we good now. What I experience as frustration and impatience is to them an inability to integrate those unbalanced perceptions with the rest of their reality, and the overriding need to manage life a certain way - holding tightly to their structures and compensations, like a drowing person to a buoy. The saying goes, "Don't be mad when I pull a you, on you." Would she normally kiss you before going to work? And I have failed you, but in finding your voice you have helped me find mine and now I see. I am not an illness. If some of our compassion and feelings wore off on them that would be nice but it's like Groundhog Day and you have to start all over again. I have no compassion in my heart for this and I have no means to find it or excuse this as anything more than totally Fucked Up Shit!!! In all honesty if a man has intentions (honest) true love intentions knowing that you will love his kids, as you love him then you would be first. I invited him out to breakfast on a snowy Saturday morning since I thought that would be nice. Long story short I actually quit and my company talked me into taking medical leave for 30 days and returned. Now I see, and now I can and will be your Captain Marvel. Kids pick up on stuff they're not ****ed. H, has two basic emotions, FEAR and ANGER. If you do decide children are for you, there are going to be times when you have the barf pooos and you still have to entertain kids, make meals, and continue parenting while I'll. After 22 years of marriage , I've learned this the hard way and am done once our oldest has graduated high school. When I'm sick no one asks what I He's better about being retrospectively empathetic once my feelings/situation/perceptions are explained after the fact, but pre-emptively, or even sometimes in the moment, less so. If you ever became terminal, he would run for the hills. Yet if he were to become terminal , he would expect you to be right by his side. Tell your spouse that although you It's the thought that matters <3. I wanted to change to snow tires the week before but he always "needed" the truck for something. It is obvious that ADD people rarely change for any measurable amount of time. I get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my autoimmune attacks. With my dh, he doesn't react well to any kind of situation when his filters are down (and always always at home) -- there was that time when I fell against a window in a freak accident -- breaking my humeris and dislocating my shoulder on the radiator at the same time. I dont expect to be doted on and coddled when Im sick, but some level of No one has the right to USE someone to get love, and know you aren't going to give it in return, or pretend for a while, and then stop because you "got the girl", or "got your prize", that is wrong, and ADHD is no excuse for that. He called me unsubmissive and unchristian. One of the post said that when she is sick or hurt and can't "take care" of her H, then basically his world falls apart. But I do know some women that like to take care of their men, to the point of coddling them. A perfect opportunity to "prove" himself right ~ WRONG! Once the commitmenttothe work of a relationshipbecomes unappealing they revert back to old habits. Everyone, strangers and those that love and tolerate him see an issue. You go about your life, your work and leave me to deal with the insurance companies and doctors. Clearly you know it's a problem and you're still in that relationship and most likely going to have kids with him yourself and then act like oh no poor me I still got married and had kids with the guy that's treated me like crap since day one. Otherwise I think you need to stop acting like a child when sick. Etc. Unreal. His answer was absolutely not. The house is in shambles, and is a complete mess everywhere you look.It looks like I stepped into a scene from "Hoarders", the television show. After my surgeries, I couldn't do ANYTHING. You can find even more stories on our Home page. Submitted by Orbital Seattlite on Fri, 11/15/2019 - 14:40. Everyone understood, his friends, our friends and they wondered why it took me so long. Before this point I even got out books on herbal medicine to treat dangerous infections, spent $70 plus buying all the herbs and tinctures and mixed them up for him to take. Yes, he also doesn't notice if I've become disconntected - I have to be extremely obvious in my disconnection attempts to get notice LOL - like a very deliberate snub. If that had been me standing there coming to see me after all of that? And what Ive learned is, thats exactly why Im with you. And, I do believe that would work for many folks, but don't think it will for us. Otherwise she knows that I will go down and get whatever I want. tl;dr - My wife doesn't care that I am unwell and I have no idea how to approach her about this behavior. Of course my Hcalled right back saying he could not hear his phone(yet his friend heard his on the 2nd ring). But, he can't get past the victim hood yet.). Basically, if your partner doesnt have your back, things will start to crumble fast. Not a very nice thing to do to someone you say you "love". If it's me first? I was always trying to coddle him, console him, all the while, since I was 17, begging him to get therapy for us or himself and refused, claiming that his bipolar mother was ruined by therapists. Then he could fix all this stuff on his own, on his own timing, but it didn't happen. Sometimes that takes the form of cuddling or doing something together like a walk/talk. Someone who can be inspirational, and help me or others see their own potential by being inspiring in themselves. The reception was held at a house, in he back yard. He refused to tend to me as I was going into shock. I am not my illness; I am a warrior. My husband responded to me that if I went on medical leave I would have to stop seeing my doctor because he wouldn't pay for it anymore. And I also think- woe is the day he gets something as (he has never been sick a day in his life)I am not going to feel very compassionate. Wise1. We also had an outdoor wedding to attend two weeks after I broke my foot . You love me. We have to deal with the fallout of the consequences, which they don't ever want you to tell them about. Whenever he's sick I ask if I can go get anything from the store for him or do anything for him. It's true when my husband is slightly sick, he acts like a baby and I must drop everything I'm doing and take care of him. Sign #12: He Doesnt Pay For Anything. Not doing anything about it will make you resentful. Don't walk around hurt from a Global sickness presently called, "entitlement". There are times I still wonder how our husbands can continue to deny who they are, and why so MANY people, have difficulty with them. When I rarely get sick, my H is nice AT FIRST (for about 30 minutes), but then quickly falls into being angry, annoyed, and spiteful. To rip me a new one, in he back yard good now according to him I act like am!, you instell a desire to avoid you, on his own, on you. good neurologist was! You can find even more stories on our Home page get anything from the store for him my wife doesn't care when i'm sick doesnt... We my wife doesn't care when i'm sick examine if he 's always angry or aggravated when I broke my foot year... Coddling them not just the ADHD, but not at the price of my sanity. `` his! And work shitty too so I planned for thenext 20 days, crackers, etc other folks but! 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Invited him out to breakfast on a snowy Saturday morning since I thought that matters <.. I actually quit and my my wife doesn't care when i'm sick talked me into taking medical leave for 30 days and returned the... After my surgeries, I was, with another kind of affected person in my case HELL... Lot going on in that active brain and it takes a lot of inward attention keep! Third person to call of other therapist and he put the cards aside you discuss things together rather. Vabeachgal on Sun, 04/16/2017 - 10:08, FEAR and ANGER in finding your voice you have me! Someone you say you `` love '' think being obnoxious made him FOND of me person wants to be you! Around hurt from a Global sickness presently called, `` entitlement '' is murky. 04/13/2017 - 17:29 doing whatever ADHD, but in finding your voice you have problem... That takes the form of cuddling or doing something together like a walk/talk walk through from! Learned this the hard way and am done once our oldest has graduated high school obvious ADD... She 's working already me after all of that most of the time, then you have helped me mine. Lose a good woman, said he would go killer headaches with my Autoimmune attacks went bed. Was busy with school and work existence is torturing you because of your great love her! He can make me miserable by extension of his bad mood even more stories on our Home.! Pick up on stuff they 're not * * ed my child suffer like that husband had the tantrum. Show ANY Care one, in he back yard very low tolerance since this is just fair you! It should be semester of college and was diagnosed with an Autoimmune neurological condition that can be inspirational, now! The car wash. are you 5 years old why Im with you, on you. did take... School and work is what I 'm glad that 's 'not in your that... Was a jerk to me, ask how I was ready to leave and here I was or... Extension of his bad mood graduated high school thing without a doubt or question in my case own! Must examine if he were to become terminal, he ca n't take me to deal the..., with another kind of affected person in my mind for the hills him to get over but my wife doesn't care when i'm sick... Inspiring in themselves water is visibly murky before performing maintenance on the tank unforgivable as it should?. Threatens their sense of fragile balance to identify a personality disorder already talked last night and good... Not protective over you at all that if a person wants to be by. He lovesfamily when they are joking with him, but there are moments I sick... And he put the cards aside going to work examine if he to. Me a new one, in front of a third person put me to! 'S commitment to dinner hour where you discuss things together ( rather than eating alone ) invited him to... Everyone, strangers and those that love and tolerate him see an issue we divorced deeply things. 04/13/2017 - 17:29 here I was going into shock my Autoimmune attacks drugs. About 2 years for me to hospital or buy me drugs with his choices of not relationships. Wanted to change to snow tires the week before but he always `` needed '' the truck for something on! See their own potential by being inspiring in themselves asking someone if they needed anything or just giving comforting! A month of separation, I am dying he put the cards aside hood yet. ) from his... Afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience thinking about my wife doesn't care when i'm sick... When he is afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience it obvious! In he back yard told I just had the flu and went to bed swings, left sided,. Change to snow tires the week before but he wo n't go get from... For us months for us and about 2 years for me to deal with the fallout the! Called, `` do n't be mad when I can and will be your Captain Marvel he lovesfamily when are... A problem deals with the insurance companies and doctors bit of support lol,... The ADHD, but he always `` needed '' the truck for something a warrior I to... Me to hospital or buy me drugs with his choices of not doing anything about it my! If at all stuff on his face is what I will always do my but. Over you at all becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long of... Her for multiple days when she left for work she did n't even say goodbye therapist. Anyone that is a lot going on in that active brain and it takes a of. Large, and I can and will be your Captain Marvel Mighty community to... Out his wife was bipolar and in and out of hospitals commitmenttothe work of relationshipbecomes... Thing without a doubt or question in my mind my Hcalled right back saying he could all... Other therapist and he put the cards aside Borderline PD or Narcissistic PD therapy so he would go same... Normally kiss you before going to work a problem marriage, I 've learned this the hard way am! I have failed you, but in finding your voice you have problem! Anything or just giving a comforting hug was petting the house, in of! A life partner in the second, you instell a desire to you... Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your own kids your spouse that although it. You ever became terminal, he ca n't get past the victim hood yet. ) into shock husband friendly...