Im not sure what to think or do. He is mechanical and can fix many things. Im a modest gal. He said he had not thought about it and was not feeling well that day, so would think about it when he felt better and let me know in a few days. You have to be more understanding. Around that time, he moved to the same part of the city as me and started going to the skate park too. I understand where you are at with this.. Has done things for me, in my own home. This time, it doesnt feel like it will. He says sometimes he appreciates me but words mean nothing, actions do. Each weekend he has been helping his DJ friend ( his BFF), or going out with best buddies. He leaves his laundry pile up on the floor, towels, dirty dishes. You are independent. (this actually backfired) and caused huge tension and we nearly broke up several times, but when i tried to give him more space to understand his situation, my worst fears came true because we started talking less and less. You are worth it. Any effort I make gets unnoticed and it is never enough. But whatever. But hes not different. He didnt even make an effort to see me or plan anything the week before he went out of town. I forgot the bin was being collected and it was due to arrive in a few hours, he didnt take it out. We are in LDR. years later, i went to my facebook to unblock some people in my list, including him. He also uses really unfair arguments when fighting, like things I never mentioned or meant. We must set boundaries and stick to them so we dont keep ending up here! He didnt court me. I know he is a shy guy, this isnt personal to me hes like it with his friends and they have shared this with me. Oh and i forgot to say that the first and second time i snuck out I paid his sister 40 dollars OUT OF MY BIRTHDAY MONEY. Sadly, he doesnt ask questions about me, my life before. Could it be that he lost interest in me? For now, this venting helped me a bit. What do I do? But I feel as though he does not see the page that I am on, is there any way I can do that without it being an argument? Although I told him busy isnt excuse but he never changed his reasons, every time when I want wend the relationship, he replies straight away and tell me he dream about me, desire me etc. It was over a year ago that I asked my boyfriend if he would take me out on a date, but it never happen. After crying and getting rid of the emotional baggage, I realize now how fortunate I am to be out of that relationship. i dont know what i should do since i know that he has feelings for me but i feel like he treats me like a friend a lot of the time. Im ready to forget everything he did to me and start to trust him.. Wht are the things i can do to bring back trust, spark, and energy to our relationship Please help me.. Thnk u so much. Its always laying on the couch watching TV. NO PHONE CALL. But have to understand yourself mentality first because if not you will lose yourself in the process. Any time i initiate sex, he either stiffens up, doenst move or lets out an exasperated sigh. But you have to become selfless. When were on nights out and theres drink involved, he has a habit of literally disappearing for the whole day (with other people he knows that arent in my circle) and he doesnt contact me, when I try to contact him he usually does answer but after talking to him I never see any sign of him. But with the current situation with the virus we will probably meet even less. We have had problems in the past about him flirting with girls on social media but never that Ive known for him to actually meet someone and get their number and asking her out. I do far too many things for him. sometimes i question if he even has time for me at all. The point Im trying to make is, if you settle for mistreatment and excuses for why its ok, youll only end up resentful and unable to trust anyone again. The first two years of your relationship were his acting skills at the finest. Its long distance and he is 8 hours ahead of me. Dont turn a blind eye on things that are sign showing and you are not happy for them. And the only way to do that to take more care of our own selves, love ourselves moretruly love our self! He used to do things for me but it seems like he doesnt do anything. He only got me a childrens bear . I dont understand why he wouldnt make you diner when you took out all the ingredients. You wouldnt be HERE if you thought your gut was wrong. Sometimes he will notice mistakes I make on the work but not notice how much I need his affection. They may not come true. And its so confusing because we do get along on every other front like we laugh and have so much fun when we hangout and talk a couple times everyday, but I tell him I like small silly gifts every now and then, and just anything thats like hey this made me think of you but he still doesnt seem to get it. Hes now making $175k a year plus an extra $5000/mo retainer as a consultant with his old job. With his work schedule he doesnt make any effort. I get Fridays and the weekend which I use to do an my studying, school work, exercise, self care, etc. If he isnt putting any effort in the beginning of the relationship then I think its time to let him go. I DO ALL THE LAUNDRY, VACCUMING , DISHES ,MOPPING, ALL THE CLEANING. Its too much. We had the break up talk several times a day, and at the end of it, it was one of the other begging to stay together because they believed we could fix it. Its easy for him to say he crashed at a friends, but let him get over the guilt or offers an explanation before he comes back. However I have had major trust issues since I was young and still find it hard to trust him in certain situations. Recently life has been on the up and positive but I feel our relationship hasnt grown or been a focus. he only paid for me once and he never surprises me with dates or buy gifts. he said he had been trying to email me but i dont rlly believe it I never got anything. We have been together for almost a year. Im so upset. Weve been together a year and a half now. Like once or twice a week.I asked him to put in some efforts and he said he would change and that he is trying. But I cant help but hang onto hope, desperately wanting something inside him to change. my bf and i are long distance. If you ever need a friend dont hesitate to reach out. And he is never sorry because he can justify it no matter how stupid. There is a lot more to it that Im frustrated about, and recently Ive become I guess depressed about everything in general and find myself thinking about how it used to be and what I miss the most and to be honest all that ends up happening is me ending up crying, falling asleep and it starts all over again. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. Should I tell him how I feel about not talking enough or should I just let it fade away? I am 20 years old, and Ive been on and off with my boyfriend since we were both 13. He has way more money than me and said he didnt do anything because he was angry at me. The last few years have been tough. Nothing on either Valentines Day (was REALLY pissed the first year, this year I knew I wouldnt get anything so I didnt get him anything either) and on my birthday, he said that he had a present for me at his house, then later said he had to order it. Don't be antagonistic towards him, but make him realize how much you I want him to want to make things better instead of just making decisions that arent beneficial to the relationship or are just downright harmful to the relationship. Hello Crystal, I am very interested in what you have said, do you mind to give more details please? What if he says he doesnt want to acknowledge the time weve been together? He constantly tells me he loves me but its starting to feel less true. So, literally, he gives me a quick peck before he goes to work and at least TELLS me he loves me. Youre still young and should take that same advice youd give your daughter. But I guess it just shows how people handle stress. I have been working 70 hour weeks and I am doing an online MBA. Is Your Boyfriend's Mother Ruining Your Relationship? He sounds lazy and you sound unhappy. Text messages are very slow to respond, I dont text him ten times a day either. Things you never even thought of knowing. We getting in touch again at beginning of this year, 20 years after we know each other, he put effort in to win me at the beginning then went quiet, I was annoyed. 6 Ways to Revive Your Relationship. If I try to go out of the way to show gratitude, he insists I dont care. He never tells me anything until i find out or i discuss my issues. It was two day before his birthday so this was like a birthday present. I HAVE COMPLAINED ABOUT IT IN THE PAST, AND HE JUST SAYS THIS IS WHAT IT IS. Because then they they think they can control and manipulate us. Just because you have no family, dont let that make him think that he is the one whos there for you and hence, he can decide to love you when he wants to. Find the courage to leave him! That it was fine even though I was angry but I didnt show him the anger. But theres one time where I got really mad and told him what i feel about everything and he said he was sorry and he tell me how much he loves me. He said he wanted to have a deeper talk about expectations and his four years old son before we can be official. As his tummy is upset, but theres been more times idk I just think in this lockdown Ill message him say Im not far from where he is and Im like I could drive past wave from my car and hes like no dont do that. He used to be affectionate and communicates a lot. I get everyday but we go like 3 weeks to a month to once a month. He might end up resenting you, instead. Now he is distant and asked for time and space. We quarantined separately so have not seen each other for several months. But I genuinely hope this would be of help (to you and to anyone whos going through a similar scenario). I met this guy 6months ago we were happy and everything was going well, until last week Friday.He went out with his friends and he came back in the morning. I tried to explain this to him. So I dug in my heels, and he had a stressful day at work, so it ended with him yelling that I was bipolar and he needed a break before I left and he went back to work. Be objective: how well do you know your boyfriend? My boyfriend of three years got me a card. feels as though what they say doesn't matter (and they've stopped talking altogether), then look within. The more effort you put in, the harder it will be for you to leave. he says that he cares and loves me but doesnt do anything to show me that. Its not that those things arent wonderful, its just that I. Then we were living in different countries. I realize ,Im no cup of tea at times either but I never lied, cheated or left him in the dark .I feel incredibly cheated by the amount of time I spent culturing and cultivating a better life for him so that he may go impress someone else because of what I had endured dealing with his crumbs of affection why is it with men its all up your ass or nothing at all where is the balanced gentleman I so crave ? I havent see each other for 2months which it is really upsetting. Im slowly giving up but everytime i try to let go he acts like he rlly loves me and he wants me back. My guys tells me there is someone else, hes changed so much over the last year I hardly even recognise him. Sam I think you should be honest with your girlfriend and tell her this. Which I loved! Any facetimes we would do were 90% instigated by me. Were in a fight right now because of that and what he says is for me to do things the way I used to but that way we will never be together. But do you guys think its worth it? I understand law school is a rigorous program but for some reason he has been unhappy and stressed about everything that is going on in his life. I dont think he would see it this way at all. Ive been with him since july 2020 and its been rocky but its resolved and yeah there is zero effort to hang out and i have to initiate everything. I keep trying to tell myself this is just a bad patch until I finish school and get a full-time job again- now that hes finally got a new job and should be happy. Anyway not sure what to do either but it helps to know Im not the only one. Niw he say he is not happy, he ask if u cannot forget that incident how we continue this relationship, he say i dont know how tontalk with him, donot respect him, and now he does not make any efforts to fix our dying relationship. I used to be patient but recently Ive been having anger issues and he knows how to handle my mood accordingly. I told him I loved him and the only reason why I would ever leave him is if he cheated on me. I am not happy in this relationship at all. But hes never done anything at my house even though he says he will help me out. I didnt even realise I was expecting the bare minimum until it hit me while I was laying in bed after he hadnt messaged me all day because he was busy playing his game. However, he has never been one to put in huge amounts of effort. Now I just want to be alone. We all deserve to be happy. Ive asked him to work on this and as the article says, he says he will and he does..for about a half a day. We get along well because we were good friends before the relationship, we have a lot in common, but spent a little time together in person before the relationship, communicating mainly online. I feel like i am constantly having to fight for us to have a better relationship. I cleaned his puke and poop from damn near halfway up our bathroom walls from when he got e.coli a few weeks ago, but we have a housing inspection on the 28th and my house looks like a storage unit and its filthy! I do want to believe its because of all his family issues that all this is happening but I am well known for making excuses for boyfriends when things arent right. I almost believe he is avoiding me for not been attracted to me.I am sure that he wants me and I feel frustrated with his actions but I do love other qualities he has. But I cant help but read it as a lack of interest, it makes me feel horrible on dates and sends me in a spiral of panic that he is bored of me. Yep. He hates my mom which is part of that reason. You deserve better and it sounds line hes managing down your expectations. My boyfriend and I have been living together for 8 years and have three kids together. Hes sees things in one paranoid way only, that Im selfish and dont really love him and just like the things he can give me. Ive been with my boyfriend since July of 2020. I am alone in this relationship.? Idk what to do anymore. You cant change how he acts toward youyou can only change your expectations. He was wearing them every day when he started his new job. I felt once again unappreciated. Do you have an suggestions on what I should do? You can go through the next 10 years like this cause this man is not miraculously going to change.do not for 1 minute think he is going to suddenly wake up and be who you want him to be. He was so understanding and apologized for the lack of communication and promised to try his best to communicate more. And i just wish the fighting would stop, i seriously cant take. Every weekend is now him doing chores, cleaning, going to the dry cleaners and food store at 8am and by the early afternoon the incessant yawning starts. it is like his way of saying he just wants to do whatever he wants now and I if I dont like it, tough crap. Its more about him being a hero. Hes a good man but not romantic, lately I been feeling like I been putting in all the work & carrying the relationship. Lastly, he is obsessed with social media. It was coming across the needle in the haystack that you placed in a way that someone was bound to find it. Not fair and a relationship is 2 waysSince you have a Son and a new job would NOT recommend that you move to him. Either speak up about these things or get out of that relationship. But no. Maybe he will brush his teeth at lunchtime but often he just smells like armpits and looks like a scruff and then wants to come to our clean bed that way. How come? Or, ask them for more details. But now everything is so plain and horrible. Im not looking for validation from him, but support. Tell yourself its not the end of the world and you will be just fine with or without him. But,to my surprise, his lil cousin(whos staying at his place rn) told me he was playing games earlier. Sister, dump his ass How it seems he is not all down for you, and using you just to get what he wants. im not saying there isnt things wrong with me but i havent done anything to deserve this kind of treatment i wait on him hand and foot and im just getting exhausted but i dont want give up. This is hard for me because Ive always been a helpless romantic, and Im always doing little cute things for him, not because I expect it in return but because I genuinely want to. Any advice is well appreciated. We spent four weekends together at his place and virtually every day together on a mutual project for a month. He dresses professionally. However his texts are friendly, never intimate or flirty. I would break up and then we would make up. This weekend I called for a break, and told him we should spend time apart. If you always cook dinner, take a night off. 1. Honestly this lockdown really changed my relationship! I go to his house on Sundays and help with his kids. Lately, it feels like we fight all the time. Then we started to fight about it a lot because I always felt like I wasnt a priority and was only worth his time when he wasnt with friends or he was horny. I have been dating my BF for 7 months now. Weve been together for over a year but known each other for 8 and its a first serious relationship for both of us. OMGrelate!! The man is now in jail. If your boyfriend never made an effort to begin with, then he may simply be lazy or indifferent to building and maintaining a relationship with you. He goes out at night with his friends when his daughter is staying with him, but uses her presence as a reason not to spend time with me, yet he is happy to do Thanksgiving together. He didnt get me anything. You can change how you respond to your boyfriend and everything else in your life. But we were young and didnt need fancy dates. Youve probably heard of Love Languages before, and it sounds like your main love language is either physical touch or acts of service (showing someone you love them by doing things that help them). I was the one who then initiated contact and although he has apologised he isnt making effort but says he cares for me and doesnt want to hurt me, Im starting to get frustrated about his lack of action still and dont know what to do! he nvr wants to go out w me, not even to dinner. When Im on call to family he interupts every time. He is failing to realize that I am being affected too. Is he telling me things just to shut me up or does he blurt things out impulsively. i jst think hes all abt himself and idk wht do. Should I leave? He always makes his schedules according to his friends schedules and if I wanna spend any time with him I have to change my schedules. I dont deserve this. doesn't pay attention to you, and they're not fully present when youre together. Last Valentines Day, we got into a fight because I had put in all this effort to put together a special night and he literally didnt do a single thing. Every time I have to make the first move conversation and ask what to do, He has no idea. I love my girlfriend but I never know what to say to her. He was all amazing.. first few months showered me with flowers and gifts then slowly I started to see his true colours. I feel like my house is just a hotel and he pays his family for meals but doesnt give me a dime. I am struggling to deal with mine and have decided to back away, which is hard, however I want to see if he makes an effort when Im no longer at his beckon call all the time. I literally had to make the dinner reservation for us. I tried to get my best friend to take me (I cant drive) to his sisters baby shower so i could see him but i found out she no longer was friends with him and she hated that we were dating and regretted getting us together. HE DOESNT TAKE THE TRASH OUT ANYMORE. But theres other strange things he does, when we go on dates that require conversation like coffee or dinner, or drives, he doesnt start any conversations. Disappointment is a strong emotion to deal with. Things had been going really well during the time we decided to get back together and I thought things were really different. If you do his laundry, stop. Should I just leave and find someone that can give me those things? Your email address will not be published. He is not a bad person, his life I guess doesnt have room for me..This decision has however, broken me, I know it was right but it still hurts I just hope I wasnt expecting too much??? Again, tons of excuses. Im going to be a junior in a few months and hell be a freshman in college. I just requested patience. That same night, he stopped replying and was offline cause they had some family time and it seems his granny got ahold of all the electrical gadgets to make them sleep early.He told me the next day and we did catch up.I thought we were going back on track until he,again,stopped replying at some point. Its a painful truth. Even though hes not there, I definitely dont sit home pining away for him. But he appriciate my participation in some kind of sexul things. He ignores me for a week and then talks to me like he rlly loves me and nothing happened. Its just hard because he watches my son while Im at work and my sons dad is working out of town for a month on and a week off. After a few nights of him treating me bad, he noticed that I was about to leave him so stopped drinking when we would go out because he didnt want to be aggressive with me anymore. If his texts arent super time-sensitive, then its okay to He never calls me beautiful or cute and pretty no matter how much I try to dress up and impress him, he never notices anymore. Don't assume he's pulling away because of something you did. hi so ive been with my bf for 4 years and at first ofc it was all great but after 2 years he jst stopped putting in effort and when i ask him to, he makes it seems like its such a chore. Everything now has become a tit-for-tat pissing match competition for control and autonomy. WebBut when you give so much attention and interest to a guy, but he just doesnt feel the same way, it can actually push him away from you. We decided to move in together shortly after COVID began so I worked things out with my work and moved to his state. He was not able to go back to school again because his government decided that no one will graduate this year. I have told him that I will be losing a lot when I move career wise. He is a freeloader. This is the only problem in our relationship, the lack of effort. He has made me realize a lot of my flaws and made me seek my inner self to understand why I am the way I am. He needs a chill pill and a real wake up call and renewed investment in life vs his career. My boyfriend & I have been together for over 10 years. Recently we spoke after time a part and he said hed really change. He also gave me his hat. hes never romantic, never takes me anywhere spontaneously it just goes on. If youre depressed by my first tip on what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship (accept him for who he is right now), Ive got good news for you! We go no where, we do nothing. im in the same boat as you and it really sucks. I dont get any attention unless Im the first one to initiate things. Its hard to deal with a person who slowly neglects you emotionally. Everyone always says how Couples always fight, but that was never us. He foes sweet thoughtfulthings when I come over yo see him. Honestly he may need some space. He has told me over and over that I need to stop. Hello everyone, i have a story to share! I always refuse because I want to make it on my own. my boyfriend doesnt want to spend time with me either but i dont trip i just stay at home i have no friends i do all i can for him and his children and he texts other girls send titts and pussy shots from his children mothers i rub his feet when he gets off work feed him so that he could save his money he even went on a trip without me but i keep his daughter while he was gone and all i ask is for him to spend a little time with me or even buy me a gift hell i would be happy with a trip to mcdonalds i know thats sad am totally not happy with this relationship. He truly sucks, im sorry but you need to leave him. You cant control your feelings, but you can control what you say and do. 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