Cheers to beers and her legs behind her ears. Here are 103 funny drinking quotes that will have the room buzzing. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. Its ok if you sometimes find no better reasons for drinking. Running From The Devil May your glass be ever full. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. Heres to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. To Hell. Now lets get to drinking! But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. 45.) Me: I love you.You: Is that you or the wine talking?Me: Its me talking to the wine.. To our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet. Next to a circus, there aint nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. 11.) Can you hold my beer?. I found a message in a bottle. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. [1970, Tears make you braver. I think thats what they mean by reducing it. He's a good person. But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. The love of the Son and. Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. To work the easiest device man has invented to escape boredom. 10. "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. 9. We drink to your coffin. Tears make you braver. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. May she smile upon you. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation. Here's to the King! I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. Now that's an oxymoron." Aaron Howard "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." Unknown 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. or Getz II or the other bawdy miscellanies. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. God damn them! There they are. 6. Of all my favorite things to do, The utmost is to have a brew. A time traveler walks into a bar. 2.) He says, youve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. I drank to your health alone. The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink. And vodka makes you not remember any of that. Dont worry theyll tell you. Here's to me! May it live as long as you last. May it live as long as you last. 13. 4. We know it is true that were wicked, That our criminal laws are lax; But heres to punishment for the man Who invented the income tax. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks, and the woman listens. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, screw like its being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman. Hey, it COULD happen! May your net worth be like Ireland's capital, always Dublin. Heartbreak makes you wiser. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. 9. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. An amnesiac walks into a bar. Id like to say a little prayer for world peace. -Phil Connors. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. Then I hit the floor. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. Heartbreak makes you wiser. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday eight hours. ListCaboodle - Fun, Informative, And Cool Stories In List Format. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think, Is most entitled to it; For if anything drives men to drink, She certainly can do it. drink to the liberation of women and bigger and better orgasms. Im giving up drinking until Christmas!Sorry, bad punctuation.Im giving up, drinking until Christmas! A cold pint and another one." 4. But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! Heres to doing and drinking, Not sitting and thinking. Get excited about the future. And, while some will make great finishers for a . May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers! May the skin of your bum never cover a drum. 3. Guy in bar: Have you got anything to drink?Bartender: Water.Guy in bar: I meant something harder?Bartender: Ice.. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. Check out our collection of 100+ party games for all ages! One cant deny that English folks are hyped by their breakfast. Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer I saw the video we need to talk. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. Also, to these two beauties who paid for the free bar! Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction. 8. 80.) Suggested read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults. It said, You drink too much.. Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. Oct 4, 2020 - Explore Nathaniel G's board "military toasts" on Pinterest. May you live to be a hundred years old with one extra year to repent. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. Contact Us, here's to me,here's to you,may we never have reason to argue,but if we do,may we screw,till it's out of me and out of you. Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? Have no idea how I got home from the sofa. Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, Id like a beer and a mop., 54.) Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. - Tom Waits. May you live to be as old as your jokes." #9. I drank to your health alone. To my schizophrenic friend. A quick death and an easy one. Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. 14. Hey bartender, I need a beer. "Here's to me, and here's to you, And here's to love and laughter . Heres to the man who is wisest and best Heres to the man who with judgment is the best, And, heres to the man whos as smart as can be I drink to the man who agrees with me! Look like a beauty, party like a beast One more night, let's do it right Hit me baby, one more wine Pop it like it's hot This bitch is gettin' hitched Sip happens 'Til death do us party Come on. Press J to jump to the feed. Pain makes you stronger. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. 26.) May your smile be big and wide. 27.) I know I couldnt do it and I think its wonderful they can. -Englishman Charles, 6. After recovering from his shock, the bartender thinks, Hey, this gorilla doesnt know how much drinks cost, and hands him back one dollar in change, saying, We dont get too many gorillas in here. The gorilla replies, At 19 bucks a drink, Im not surprised., 60.) Heres to the heat. Stay true to yourself forever! He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, You look nice today. A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, Thats a nice shirt. The guy asks the bartender, Who is that? The bartender says, Those are the peanuts. "I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.". 17.) Doesnt everyone?Noel Coward, There comes a time in every womans life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.Bette Davis, Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleepwhoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." An oldie but goodie. Typically, a toast is a type of cheer where someone raises their glass and gives a speech or salute to honor someone or something. 29. Coincidence?" - Stephen Wright "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." This is one of the most common college drinking quotes youll ever have. If your friends share sarcastic humor, you can only win with this one. Heres to your good health. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. Many Irish drinking toasts, for example, will be completely inappropriate for a large wedding reception. May they never stop. Tears make you braver. A Bachelorette Party Toast - To String. Nothing but the best for our hostess. Heres to the land of the shamrock so green, And heres to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Heres to the ones we love dearest and most. If youre nervous about meeting new people, a funny toast can help put everyone at ease. Always remember to forget the things that made you sad. Don't think there are no second chances. A tennis ball walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful young woman and says, So, do I come here often?, 55.) 5. 11. And after my house and my wife. 74.) He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. I wont. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. I drank to your health so many times.I nearly ruined my own." 3. And may your troubles slide off of you slicker than snot. 32.) May your troubles be less, and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks, and the man listens. I'm s. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand. Heres to steak when youre hungry Whiskey when youre dry A lover when you need one And Heaven when you . When I love them, I let them. "Just water," replied the priest. They would clink their glasses before drinking mead to show that they were not poisoning each other. -- Heres to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. 9. Heres to the only day I will ever be a morning person, December 25th. No retreat, no surrender. . A good girl and an honest one. -Quint. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Heres to love, laughter, and happily ever after. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. that stays forever after. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. 10 Funny Drinking Toasts You Probably Haven't Heard. You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful. "Have you been drinking, Father?" asks the Garda. As the bartender hands it to him, the man realizes he needs to go to the bathroom urgently. Heres to the nights well never remember with the friends well never forget. May our penises always be harder than our lives. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. Heres to you. But never forget to remember the things that made you glad. Poems are hard. 52.) Heres to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won.Heres to Americas colors, the colors that never run.May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.Jack Burton (movie king of drinking toasts). (Aw-vlee-an fee vosh-eh gwit) ****. Some people like to start with a quote or funny saying. To all that we lost and all that we gained in the past year, and to all that's to come in the days aheadcheers! 12. Heartbreak makes you wiser. Things got a little tense. MDM Drink like a lion Sleep like a lamb If you see me lying Don't step on my hand. To the holidaysall 365 of them. l. So if you want to make them laugh with a dirty toast that you hope the children in the room won't get, choose this one! May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. Lucky for me, you make it easy since you are so lovable. So why not get wasted all the time, and have the time of our life." 2. It is better to spend money like theres no tomorrow Then to spend tonight like theres no money. What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?Olive or twist?. Heres to working like you dont need money, loving like youve never been hurt, and dancing like nobodys watching. Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. To those who have seen us at our best and at our worst, and still cant tell the difference. Try this one at your next bachelorette party. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. By S.J. May poverty always be a days march away. To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. 26. Down the hatch! Thats it. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Heres to a long life and a merry one, A quick ending and a happy one, A good girl and a pretty one, A cold bottle and another one. May your liquor be cold, may your women be hot. Here's to a man after my own heart. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. If you cheat, may you cheat death, If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart, If you fight, may you fight for a brother, And if you drink, may you drink with me. Thats all for now, I gotta pee. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. Happy Birthday. Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. "If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar!" 20. When you get to It, and cant do It; Come see me, because Im used to It! For my best friend has won the best woman. -Julianne Potter, 5. Humorous birthday toasts and funny sayings give us a chance to laugh at the trials and tribulations of maturity. May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows were dead! May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. 42.) We have only today. But please don't tell his wife! And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. [Retrieved from http://www.tamut.com/toasts/ on 15 August 2003], Here's a toast to the Man I love, he is rich You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? How does a man show that he is planning for the future? 81.) Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. So fill your glass with anything. Heres to the big bull in the woods. Best Inappropriate Toasts Ever Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. May we always be grateful for the past, find joy in the present, and remain excited for the future. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. To the bride and groom! 12. Heres to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight its about to go down! And to make an end is to make a beginning. 40. 16. This is always a good one to overcome bad times. Heres to your liver. Life and beer are very similar. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: This drinks on me., Heres to the girls who do And heres to the girls who dont And heres to the girls who say they never will, But when the time comes, wont. When I was a little girl, I had a little quim. 8.) 11. Best Funny Toasts Here's to that long straight piece in Tetris. 68.) Look out stomach, here it comes. May you always remember to fight with two words, Yes, dear.. For more information, please see our 4.) Heres to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends. Heres to the women who love me terribly. Groucho Marx knew how to praise the glasses of life. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long. And if you drink, may you drink with me. If you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. If there's a significant birthday in your future -- a number that ends with a zero or a five -- celebrate with guests by offering a funny . (Sinatra), 11. Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working. 10. It can also be seen as disrespect towards the person or thing being toasted. Love is blind marriage is the eye-opener. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. May we get what we want, what we need, and never what we deserve. Two beer or not two beer, thats the question! William Shakesbeer. May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out. If you're going to cheat, cheat death. and our May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: "This drink's on me." What did the grape say when it was crushed? From scatological oaths to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands. And after my house and my wife. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. ".here's to maintaining proper Ph Levels in our vaginas, yeast infections!" 2. freshcutgrass 10 yr. ago. And vodka makes you not remember any of that cr*p. Heres to staying positive and testing negative! However, suppose you do not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment. Life always offers you a second chance It's called tomorrow. If God wanted us sober, He'd knock the glass . Thank you for reading Funny Drinking Jokes. I'll drink to the Girls who don't! "Here's to a long life and a happy one. Heres to women. But the ocean's not beer and I'm not a duck, so let's drink these pints and get messed up. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. Lets have a toast to the incompetence of our enemies. Bartender says, Off the wagon again?, 59.) Best. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. Heres to marriage. 33. Thats unfortunate for these two! Made with a lavender simple syrup and homemade lemonade muddled with mint, these Lavender Lemonade Mojitos are the prettiest color and make for the perfect summer cocktail. A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper says, You have a drink named Kevin?. May they never meet." 3. 5. Heres to the woman who wears the red shoes. May we get what we want and may we get what we need, but may we never get what we deserve. Over the teeth and over the gums. May this be the least happy day of your life. There are many benefits to using funny drinking toasts. But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be! The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. What do you never say to a policeman? 6. The only toast we do is our drinking song. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. To the fall of the Roman Empire, may ours be just as memorable. What did the beer sing on the beach? Here's to those who've seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference. 2. When we drink, we get drunk. Two men walked into a bar. May you die in bed at 95 years, Shot by a jealous wife. Always a good one to bring up as a wedding toast. Be hoppy.. 36. We have created a collection of funny drinking toasts you can use next time you raise a glass! Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. 90.) In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. When I meet them, I like them. 12. Here's to champagne for our real friends, and a real pain to our sham friends. Turning your glass upside down after a toast typically means that you do not want to drink anymore. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alikewithout grounds. Heres hoping you live forever. Who loves not women, wine, and song, he will be a fool his whole life long. Some are more casual, while others are formal. 19. Enjoy!About us. 24.) May you always have love in your hearts and champagne in your belly. May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! May your heart be light and happy. Another year has been added to your life. If you cheat, may you cheat death. "Here's to lying, cheating, stealing, and drinkingIf you're going to lie, lie for a friend. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. "May we all be alive at this same time next year." "May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live." "May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future." Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. May the roof over your head be always strong. It teases, it pleases, it spreads all diseases God what a snatch Down the hatch Here's to the hole that never heals The more you rub it the better it feels And all the soap this side of hell Won't wash away that fishy smell Here's to Hell May my stay there Be as much fun as my way there Here is to being single Seeing double and Sleeping triple Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. The past won't mind. Dont worry. But I know the test of Gods goodness is when he gave me a friend like you. Start a bachelor party or any celebration at the bar with this winning poetic but funny toast. Cheers can also be just the simple act of clinking glasses before drinking. In some cultures, cheersing with water is seen as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth. Check out these famous whiskey quotes and sayings. Well explore them together for a life filled with love, joy, and fun. And trusting in Him, to Whom we all pray; May a song fill your heart, every step of the way. But a whiskey glass and a fat girl's ass are home, sweet home to me. My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. To our sons! Heres to hell. Shes lost her cherry but it doesnt mean a thing, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. "Good Lord, he's done it again!". Collection. Heres to women! We fuck Em' up, we fuck Em' down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck Em' rotten. Heres a toast to the most wonderful person I have ever met. Four I'm under the host!" "When we drink, we get drunk. Many of the toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Ive trained my dog to bring me red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie. An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. May the roof over your head be always strong. 7. Itll hold you when no one else will. 2.) May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. 4. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. 86.) The Bar With The Boys"). Another year has passed, and youre no older than the last! May God bless old Ireland, thats this Irishmans toast. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip but a damned sight more sincere. 14. It can also be seen as not fully participating in the toast and the communal drinking experience. Whether you want to say a little more than 'Happy birthday' or you're celebrating an anniversary, bringing up your favorite toast is always appreciated. David Emis the Founder and Lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. The joy of a thousand angels to you. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon. ENGLEWOOD, Colo., March 12, 2019 /PRNewswire/ -- Whether it's wearing green, eating corned beef and cabbage or drinking green beverages, people around the world celebrate the Irish heritage on . 28. There is no set rule for starting a toast. 11. 1. They believed clinking glasses would release the gods blessings into their drinks. 40.) But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home, sweet home to me. So, lets drink these pints and get messed up. However, in casual settings, the terms are often used interchangeably. Heres to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. 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