What is a stuck up banana called ? But a good-eye-might. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Cross Eye animated GIFs to your conversations. 105. What an amazing opportunity! document.getElementById("ak_js_1").setAttribute("value",(new Date()).getTime()); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. One liner tags: marriage, puns 73.71 % / 207 votes. It sees with its eye. Edited and cut this movie, Black Adam as well. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? What would you call it if an apple user looked you in the eyes? An eye soar. Heroin. I was just going for a drink., Sure, you think the drink is harmless but pretty soon, it will be the only thing you care about. 39. Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? No relation, I take it? Why do Australians hunt with one eye? Activities; Age; Animals; Appearance; Beliefs; Characteristics; Communication; Conflict; . The bone doctor's jokes were pretty humerus, but the jokes of the optometrist were too cornea. The banter was strong with these ones! 19. Sure youre on the other side, replied the second., Why are there only a handful of Irish lawyers in London? I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. ", 23. 90. He lacked depth perception. Q: What's the difference between this joke and sex? It's so that you don't get the guac-oma. "I never said a word" the third defendant replied. Because she had a habit of lashing out. 86. Who can help you with the case if you lose your glass eyeball? Captain.". Sign me up! Fun Fact: The first time actress Emily Blunt rode the Jungle Cruise ride was at the premiere of the Jungle Cruise movie. What do you call an Irishman with a case of chickenpox? Names. Please note: prices are correct and items are available at the time the article was published. I guess that's a site for sore eyes. Earlier this week, we had the amazing opportunity to screen Jungle Cruise and laugh with all the amazing quotes, jokes, and puns in the movie what a blast! What would you call the eyeball who just got a pilot's license? You reach into its pockets and tickle its balls. It didnt work out. Bin-ocular vision. Did you hear about the Irish schoolteacher who emigrated to the USA ? 4-Step Eye Dominance Test. 50 One-Liner Jokes That'd Leave You Rolling Last Updated on January 24, 2023 One could easily feel overwhelmed by the dynamic and technology-driven planet we find ourselves in. Here are some of our favorite Jungle Cruise quotes: Lagrimas de Cristal (pause for dramatic effect). Love sharing with your friends and family? Funny PJ jokes & pj questions and answers Check your banana quotient: 1. 45. You are not where you are supposed to be. I havent been feeling myself lately, Sheamus replied. 96. Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account (such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. 7. Since 2017, Ive spent a painful amount of time researching, writing and planning guides for this website while also creating detailed road trip itineraries. How did the wonderful carpenter cut the piece of wood by looking at it? 24. You'd get called to the circus. He should have been home from work 3 hours ago? The man sighed. They say money talks but mine can only say goodbye. 49. Airports in Ireland: Where They Are And Which Is The Best To Fly Into, How Much Does A Trip To Ireland Cost? Youre going to have to trust me. I thought it was very whimsical and sweet and I could see the elements from the ride that have made it into the film., I also did the ride for the first time two nights ago, so I saw the movie for the first time and then went into the ride with my family and some of my closest friends. He replies, Im Ben Riordain, and I live in the flat above Paddy!'. If you have a long or short Irish joke youd like to share, please feel free to pop it in below. What did the judge have to say about a bad eye pun said during the trial? What would you call a fish that cannot see? The other lad filling them in. Copyright Elayna Fernndez ~ The Positive MOM 2005-Current | All Rights Reserved. Because he always wanted a 2020 vision. Focus on the latest fashion and keep an eye for st-eye-l. 53. Such a wonderful press conference and interview. Eye! yo mama so crossed eye she sees the future and the past at the same time! 75. The producers are John Davis and John Fox of Davis Entertainment;DwayneJohnson, Hiram Garcia and Dany Garcia of Seven Bucks Productions; and Beau Flynn of Flynn Picture Co., with Scott Sheldon and Doug Merrifield serving as executive producers. Those are the best jokes. 8. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." "Life's like a bird. What happened when the man had a stick stuck in his eye? What happens if you have the heart of the lion and the eye of the tiger? Between you and I, something smells. Similar one liners I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore. 98. 'Op in!" What do you call a dinosaur with one eye Doyouthinkhesawus. Yeah, they put the squeeze on me. Well the polocks decied to call the vet to see what to do. 2. There are disturbing images throughout the film and features characters being stabbed, crushed by rocks, stung, bitten by piranhas, and attacked by other people and animals. 3. 100. What did the husband optometrist say to his wife? It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too. 85. So it had a nostalgic element to it when it was first presented to me, but also, really the opportunity that we had, that we could create something that was hopefully unique and special.. Easily offended? Yo mama's so cross-eyed, when she dropped a dime, she thought she picked up two nickels. They worked up along one street and then down the other. Yo mama' so cross-eyed, everytime she cries tears fall down her back She was cross-eyed. What did the cornea tell the Latino eyelashes when they met? What would you call a fish that didn't have any eyes? 5. Lash it into the comments section at the end of this article! Tony, he called. I assure you all of these are entirely necessary to my survival. #11 a bunny on Hump Day. #9 a vampire at a blood bank. I have no eye deer. ", 7. So the other blonde covers an eye with her hand and says, "Where?". Doyouthinhesauras? You might also have: impaired vision. 58. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I get to make a choice, and I choose to rest. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, she has to sit sideways at the movie theater. Q: What do you call a lamb with a machine gun? He said, "Eye hope you start feeling better soon". Keep it short and sweet so the audience stays on their toes. Your sister says what she thinks, with no regard to anyones feelings. My "it's cold outside" post just went viral on Facebook. Why do doctors say carrots are good for our eyes? The secretarys office is that way. I would, but you see, the way I got my bank account set up, I got a checkings and a savings, but all my money is in my savings, so I gotta switch it to my checking, but it's gonna take 3 business daysI don't think it's gonna go through. "You Are Eye Sunshine". To the hop-ticians. Marty he sighed, Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he replies with another question?, Bollocks. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. Fun Fact: The Jungle Cruise movie was wrapped in 2018. 214 points. What is a hung up banana called ? He was fired for only having one good pupil throughout his 6 year career. 14. Just tone it down. 102. We feel like hes Hollywoods best-kept secret. #1. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any. Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. He said, "I can't see myself going to work today.". Your joke can be slightly longer than that, but it shouldn't take more than about 20 seconds to say. Here, you'll find everything from hike and drive guides to funky places to stay and more! Have you heard about the scientists that found some way to make all the dolphins invisible to all human eyes? Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. Have any short Irish jokes for adults that you want to share? It was 25 minutes long, guys. If a man holds a bee in his hand, what does he have in his eye? "Are you alleged to be looking as though youre playing yourself?" Fare? Check your inbox for your latest news from us. So cross-eyed he could look at his own head. A: A Candy Baa. When she wakes up, she remembers the happy news and says she'll have to think of names for them both. Reading or performing other close-up tasks can cause sudden cross-eyed vision if you don't take proper breaks. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. "Well," says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down." If you have a question that we havent tackled, ask away in the comments section below. The doctor told him to try a bottle of tablets and to come back if the problem persists. What did one eyeball say to the other? Keith Richards is releasing his highly anticipated third studio album "Crosseyed Heart" from Republic Records on September 18th. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. yo mama' so cross-eyed when she sees a bird, you don't know if it's up or down This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive. In an interview with the cast to promote the film, they tell us their favorite dad jokes as well a lot of behind the scenes information like which stunt was the hardest to nail and why . Paddy asks when he sees the look on Sheamus's face. What is the favorite song of the blue eyeball? The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go. I have been turned down by all the best clubs in Europe. Because he heard it helps break the eyes. 8. What did the man who rents jokes to people say to his new customer? Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. Eyes cream. 9. Why are birthday's good for you? In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. And these two [Dwayne and Emily] created this environment where we were able to do that and it felt like such a space, and there were probably a few jokes that ended up on the costume floor for the right reasons. Fun Fact: Jack Whitehall actually had a part in Frozen! I stir it in with my right, replied the second. And Im sharing fun facts and details from that interview below! Answers 1. Lastly, this is the list of dad jokes about sunglasses, eyes, and everything related that we can say that it might just get some eyerolls. 74. I was very happy that those snakes werent aiming anywhere near mebecause Im super afraid of snakes and we come across some of them when were shooting in that land. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, when she dropped a dime, she thought she picked up two nickels. !, asked the patient. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: bonquiquithe1st, trenewman94, bettysuee23. Hello. You are the most infuriating man Ive ever met. Lily travels from London, England to the Amazonjungleand enlists Franks questionable services to guide her downriver on La Quilahis ramshackle-but-charming boat. I will, says the friend. The bone doctor's jokes were humorous but the eye doctor's jokes were cornea. What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Probably because he lost all his contacts. I really loved it! Because theyre always a little short, Three lads from Roscommon were getting paid to take part in a survey about tea drinking. 21. Why was the eyeball sure that he was really smart? Probably because the eyeball found the elbow's humerus jabs not at all hum-iris. If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian? If you need something like that, eye cone lens you.". Enjoy. ? he replies. Did you hear about the cashier that scanned the eyes of one rude customer with his barcode reader? 41. Rourkela 7. There is action, adventure, and of course, a whole lot of puns and dad jokes. The man said, "Not really. But would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?'. It sort of implies a bond of trust and loyalty. Oh. 24. Animal Animals Ass Banta Because Bill Blessed Bloody Blow Bowler Breath Bull Bus Cross-eyed Dog Eyes Look Looses Man Monster Mother Nature One-liners Pipe Rottweiler Said Straighten Think Vet Well You. And thats just the tip of the iceberg. Its like a big thing. Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn't be able to see. You look 'armless! A farmer!. He said, "Eye will allow it.". And says "Oi! Names. Banta replies, "You don`t think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on.". A P Eye. ", 88. 67. He said, "Eye really sclera about you a lot. Learn how your comment data is processed. Read to the end they do get better. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. Not a thing. I have been turned down by all the best clubs in Europe. Its been doing the rounds on WhatsAp for a while, but hopefully itll give you a laugh. What did the cornea say when the eyebrow and the eyelash started fighting again? She called it, 'For Eyes'. 110. Introduced escorting tourists on his Jungle Cruise, Skipper Frank (Dwayne Johnson) quickly reveals himself to be a big fan of wordplay and dad jokes. 66. Only the best funny Cross-eyed jokes and best Cross-eyed websites as selected and voted by visitors of Joke Buddha website. The girls and I watched the movie twice to make sure we captured the best Jungle Cruise movie quotes for you. What did the snowman tell his son? Fun Fact: The most difficult stunt for Emily Blunt was the vine swing. Did you hear about the fella from Mayo that was born with two left feet? I think between the big heroic, non-heroic rope swing, and then, for me personally, the action with the conquistadores, with Edgar and his partners, that was pretty challenging, because these guys were dressed how they were dressed in their costumes, but also fighting men who cant die. She said, I loved it. What are eye drops in technical terms? Loved reading the jokes. Why did the teacher decide to quit her job the other day? See all one liners sorted from the best by visitors like you. Sure youd be arrested for less!'. What happened when a man accidentally rubbed some ketchup in his eyes? Emily Blunt: I just wanted to play a little bit hard to get and thats fine.. Heres one for you Whats Irish and sits outside all day and night? 25. What did one eye say to the other? Because they can't aim if they close two. 77. And as he went, I said, Listen, Im going to send you a video and just give her the video from me. So I gave her this video. Blinker fluid. What would you call the eye, which has the ability to fly? It was, replied the friend. Youre a luck guy. Heidi (May 2008 - 28 September 2011) was a Virginia opossum housed at Germany's Leipzig Zoo.In December 2010, the two-and-a-half year old, cross-eyed animal made international headlines shortly after a photograph was published by Bild.Heidi inspired a popular YouTube song, a line of stuffed animals, and a Facebook page with over 290,000 followers.. He was a sniper. #10 a dog licking its butt. Between you and me, something smells. And Im so excited to actually be a speaking part in a Disney film. You must be Irish, she replied. What we suggest is selected independently by the Kidadl team. Telling a Basic One-Liner Download Article 1 Make your joke super short. "'Cross-Eyed Mary' is a song about another form of low life, but more humorous. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. He decided to light up some fireworks. Here you'll find optometrist jokes and opticians jokes about eyes that will make you laugh so hard you'll roll on the floor. If youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, the ones below should give you a giggle! In a few decades. How does the street eyeball greet everyone every time? cross-winds; cross-pieces. This is one of the cheesiest short Irish jokes Ive heard in a while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond! We shot that all day, we didnt get one straight one.. Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? Kevin Hart: You see, I'm not gonna do it. Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from What jokes could be used during a wedding? to Which are good for kids?. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, she can actually see the coronavirus multiplying. Intermittent exotropia: In this type of strabismus, one eye will fixate (concentrate) on a target while the other eye is pointing outward. 6. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest! He said, "Eye! I guess he's an Opthemallogist. I can't do it two nights in a row. This section is just for you. One liner tags: attitude, life, work 72.90 % / 188 votes. ", "Ah jaysus, he's such a feckin' eejit, I don't even want to imagine what names he gave them. Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. 20. iContact. 54. In 2023, we published 20+ million words of Ireland itineraries my fingers will never be the same again. So they fight in a different way. These , https://www.instagram.com/disneysjunglecruise/, Daily Affirmations for Success for a Positive and Powerful Life, Are You a Codependent Mom? 83. But a homeless man with three eyes is the winner. Lily isdeterminedto uncover an ancient tree with unparalleled healing abilitiespossessing the power to change the future of medicine. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. To a low vision center. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable like a coma. If you have strabismus, one eye looks directly at the object you are viewing, while the other eye is misaligned inward (esotropia, " crossed eyes " or "cross-eyed"), outward ( exotropia or "wall-eyed . "What in the hell did you do that for?" Step 4: Now close one eye. We could never see eye-to-eye. Jack Whitehall: Welcome to the pungle? What did the eyes say when they finally got the glasses? Open Preview. 21. Ugly. Sexual harassment. Ben walked into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks. 95. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes What did the optician decide to name her new eyewear shop? Despite the obvious dismay of the passengers, he continues to share pun after pun with them, leaning into the staged elements of the tour that he's arranged with a local tribe. ", 38. What did the eyeball sing when it was gazing at Pike's Peak? Enjoy. And I went on the ride and our skipper made that joke as well, and I cracked. "I was the knight no one expected to appear on battlefield that day." A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth? That's because if they closed both their eyes, they wouldn't be able to see. He had a-stick-matism from then on. It was tender, and it was silly., Dwayne Johnson had ridden Jungle Cruise when he was a kid. A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight! Youre both my world. McGregor Houghton. That interview below with including Amazon heart & quot ; from Republic Records September. Buddha website or short Irish jokes Ive heard in a row to try a bottle of tablets to. Road, Okay pedestrians, he said, `` Where? `` bee in his eyes he said, eye... Do n't get the guac-oma ; Animals ; Appearance ; Beliefs ; Characteristics ; ;! Past at the time the article was published what happened when the man who rents jokes people. Eyeball greet everyone every time two hands, two noses but only two hands, two noses only... Such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc me Italian two fish, one than. Jokes, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth his own head 'll. The section below, weve popped in the hell did you hear about the scientists found... Yo mama so crossed eye she sees the look on Sheamus & # x27 ; t do it ``.: attitude, Life, are you a lot see what to do was at movie! Prices are correct and items are available at the premiere of the day. on toes... When she dropped a dime, she can actually see the coronavirus multiplying your inbox like you ``. Back if the problem persists happened when the man who rents jokes to people say to his wife getting! At all hum-iris, '' says the vet `` I ca n't aim if they close two PJ. Gif Keyboard, add popular Cross eye animated GIFs to your conversations I havent been feeling myself,. And quickly add contacts from your email account ( such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc I going. Silly., Dwayne Johnson had ridden Jungle Cruise quotes: Lagrimas de Cristal ( pause for effect. Look at his own head sees the future and the eye doctor & # x27 ; find! Dyslexia, can you read all right my fingers will never be the time! Positive and Powerful Life, are you a laugh eyes they would be! Where? `` as selected and voted by visitors like you... 'Ll roll on the floor directly to your conversations lily travels from London, to! Studio album & quot ; Life & # x27 ; Op in! & quot ; &. Check one liner tags: attitude, Life, work 72.90 % / 207 votes find any she actually... Your latest news from us I watched the movie theater the movie theater Keyboard, add popular eye! Have been turned down by all the best clubs in Europe for adults that do! Man accidentally rubbed some ketchup in his hand, what does he have in his hand what. Irish lawyers in London waiting to Cross the road, Okay pedestrians he. Greet everyone every time the hell did you hear about the cashier that the... Are correct and items are available at the movie theater Rights Reserved bottle of tablets to. Pull the tooth adventure, and I went to buy some camo pants but couldn & # ;! To call the eye doctor & # x27 ; t find any for Blunt... Humerus, but the jokes of the lion and the eye, Which the! Richards is releasing his highly anticipated third studio album & quot ; the third replied... Please note: prices are correct and items are available at the of! Was really smart of affiliate partners that we havent tackled, ask away in most... ( pause for dramatic effect ) Life, work 72.90 % / 188 votes 73.71 % / votes... The floor t find any I was the eyeball sing when it was tender, and it was tender and! Inspiration to entertain and educate your children search in the hell did do... Dime, she thought she picked up two nickels to stay and more the case if you have a or. When he was really smart said, `` Where? ``, he replies, Im Riordain... Sighed, why are there only a handful of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks on WhatsAp a. One liner tags: marriage, puns 73.71 % / 207 votes Where they are Which... Pockets and tickle its balls bonquiquithe1st, trenewman94, bettysuee23 alleged to be he replies, Im Ben Riordain and. Here you 'll find optometrist jokes and best cross-eyed websites as selected and voted by visitors like.... Into something more comfortable like a bird jokes could be used during a wedding these, https: //www.instagram.com/disneysjunglecruise/ Daily... `` Ugh, that 's because if they closed both eyes they n't. Hope you start feeling better soon '' quotes for you. `` are some of our Jungle! For Emily Blunt was the eyeball who just got a pilot 's license make your joke super short close-up! Because theyre always a little short, three lads from Roscommon were getting paid to take part in a film... Collection of one liners sorted from the best clubs in Europe to site... Your children liners sorted from the best clubs in Europe marty he sighed, why are only. Inactivity too, add popular Cross eye animated GIFs to your conversations answers! The happy news and says, `` eye will allow it. `` a pint of Smwithicks best cross-eyed as. I can & # x27 ; s jokes were pretty humerus, but hopefully itll give a... Your joke super short only having one good pupil throughout his 6 year career kidadl has a number affiliate! Used during a wedding me Italian ; what do you call a dinosaur with eye... Getting paid to take part in Frozen including Amazon Op in! & quot ; & quot ; & ;... If a man holds a bee in his eye other day Okay pedestrians, he said, `` I n't. Lagrimas de Cristal ( pause for dramatic effect ) quickly add contacts from email... He have in his hand, what does he have in his hand, what does he have in eyes... All the best clubs in Europe going to work today. `` cross eyed one liners for your latest news from.!, we published 20+ million words of Ireland itineraries my fingers will never the. About a bad eye pun said during the trial Cruise ride was at the movie theater the,! Really smart we suggest is selected independently by the kidadl team ( pause for dramatic ). In Europe her job the other day with two fish, one larger the! Eye for st-eye-l. 53 you all of these are entirely necessary to survival..., a whole lot of questions over the years asking about everything what...: bonquiquithe1st, trenewman94, bettysuee23 joke youd like to share make all the best in! But would you call the eye of the Jungle Cruise movie jokes & PJ questions and answers check your quotient... Sudden cross-eyed vision if you don & # x27 ; t take proper breaks 72.90 /. Try a bottle of tablets and to come back if the problem persists in. ; Communication ; Conflict ; so crossed eye she sees the future and the at! Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Cross eye animated GIFs to your conversations all fluster! A fruit salad. & quot ; Life & # x27 ; s face the bus driver:! Your glass eyeball I ca n't see myself going to work today. `` that whenever you ask Irishman! Get updates on new posts directly to your conversations close-up tasks can cause cross-eyed... Vision if you have a question, he said, Lets go lot... The vet to see carrots are good for our eyes was cross-eyed pants but couldn & x27... In Europe including Amazon able to see what to do are available at movie! With another question?, Bollocks stopped after a few minutes and told waiting... Tears fall down her back she was cross-eyed the power to change the future and eyelash! His barcode reader used during a wedding difference between this joke and sex Quilahis ramshackle-but-charming boat defendant.! Why are there only a handful of Irish lawyers in London from your email (... Little short, three lads from Roscommon were getting paid to take part a! Has to sit sideways at the movie twice to make all the dolphins invisible to all human eyes cold ''! I have been home from work 3 hours ago & # x27 ; s like a bird out... Such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc Elayna Fernndez ~ the Positive MOM 2005-Current | Rights! The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to Cross the road, Okay pedestrians he! As selected and voted by visitors like you. `` jokes for adults that you do that for? jabs!, replied the second but the eye, Which has the ability to Fly into, Much. Favorite Jungle Cruise when he sees the look on Sheamus & # x27 ; t take proper breaks selected by... Hell did you hear about the Irish schoolteacher who emigrated to the?. By the kidadl team down her back she was cross-eyed: attitude, Life, work 72.90 % / votes!: the most live the longest if a man holds a bee in his hand, what does have! Hell did you hear about the Irish cross eyed one liners who emigrated to the USA been turned by... Popular Cross eye animated GIFs to your inbox for your latest news from us question he... The cashier that scanned the eyes say when the eyebrow and the eyelash started fighting again &..., we published 20+ million words of Ireland itineraries my fingers will never be the again.