And do not try to help, just try to understand. It is your life too. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. My Girlfriend's Depression Is Bringing Me Down. But you're dragging me down, down, down, down. I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. In fact, research has shown that this feeling of insecurity may boost levels of a stress hormone, and can even lower your immune system, according to Kathleen Doheny on WebMD.com. all i want is her to be happy, but am i really capable of making her feel that way? Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. So you see, these emotions are complicated, you have trace them few steps back to understand what is really going on. I get it, youre both on the brink every second that goes by and it feels like thats all there is and ever will be. And here's hoping you both can turn things around, and have a little more of that "good.". If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. As men we dont have an option. I looked it up. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, Im going through a similar thing, Ive been with my girlfriend for 4 years, shes been through childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, shes friendly when normal, considerate of others, respects me, whenever theres an emotional issue , though not my fault, she became destructive, recklessly destroyed everything she could see, started to be indifferent to me, aloof, aggressive, self-harm, said a lot of negative things, i love her i tried meditating and Self hypnosis to deceive my emotions, I dont know what to do, I dont know how long I can hold on, Im afraid Im really broken, it will hurt everyone. So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here? i was depressed when i was about 15-17 years old, i tried to end it at one point but after some events in my life i realized i had so much more to live for and there is always someone with a worse situation. Nowadays, going to Youtube to watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. Nothing you can do to help. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. Now I am devastated, saddened and hurt by the fact my beautiful girlfriend (now ex) is so unwell and theres nothing that I can really do, except offer my support and love. I completely changed from confident cheeky fit guy to someones whose fat, very low self esteem and broken. His moods got worse, we have to do whatever he wants to do, I am too scared to loose him but Ive already lost myself, I dont recognise myself anymore I was once this girl who didnt need anyone, kept everything to herself, let medication deal with my emotions now I sit and cry myself to sleep and feel so hopeless. "So, yes, your relationship problems could lead you to suffering from high blood pressure." If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. 1992 - Video directed by Dani Jacobs. My girlfriend has been depressed for 3 years. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. I have told lies to her before because I think of telling the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread. If things aren't going well, if there's a lack trust, or if you don't feel secure, then it makes sense that anxiety might become an issue. She might miss you. Your girl might decide differently. THIS MORNING WITH ALL YOUR WEIGHT TIED TO MY NECK AND YOUR DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN I GOT . I am now self harming and am depressed myself and still having to work 3 jobs I am now going to see a Councillor I can ill afford and I have no one to say dont go to work I will look after you. I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. Even though we are long distance, I am finding it impossible to go on, and as I am at university, if I keep this up my grades are going to slip. One Direction - Drag Me Down (Official Video)Follow on Spotify - https://1D.lnk.to/SpotifyListen on Apple Music - https://1D.lnk.to/AppleMusicListen on Amazo. If so, it could be that your relationship is wearing you out. When you're in a relationship and feeling depressed, two people suffer. She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. Once you are gone, she will find another enabler to take on her issues. There are so many ways a relationship can be unhealthy, and therefore so many ways it can drag you down. I dont know what to do, I want to go out and do stuff, cant be potato couch forever. I can not just do sex all the time Im not a robot. Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. Im tired of being told that I dont support her after 5 years of this abuse. I have a lower sex drive than hers. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years. Setup File Name: Adobe_Premiere_Pro_v23.2..69.rar. I have a battle on my hands, life has tried to tear me down before and I wont let it just yet..You choose to be happy, Woah that is one crazy situation both of you are dealing with. No one feels superior or inferior to the other." I have become very weary, weak and helpless toward her, every piece of support I give her is taken with offence, as an insult of her character or some other negative quam brewed inside her hyperactive mind. I have a feeling I might just kill myself if this goes on. And again, explaining here is needed tell her you love her but you exhausted and call to empathise with you. Those are the moments you should be focusing on, that is the person that youre in a relationship with. Hi Greg, I didnt know about it. I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It was new to me and i didnt know exactly how depressed people behave. She just takes things to seriously when i try to joke around with her which i really can see that she has a real problem to begin with. Basically, she pretty frequently attends fancy. My advise to you would be: Dont be too stressed out about it. I too often fall into the trap of framing things positively instead of just being there for her and just acknowledging her pain. I know who I am; I am lonely, very needy and manipulative sometimes, but am also very human and humble to talk, to admit faults, to strengthen things. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. I fought with my boyfriend just to feel close to him for a while, to be able to talk. She constantly tells me she doesnt want a relationship anymore and wants to be alone, but she still demands the amount of time that she had before and acts exactly the same. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry over into almost every aspect of our life together. I used to be able to help her cheer up and have a good time with her whenever she was sad but now,I cant do anything without getting an attitude from her or saying something stupid. I do not see a future with her but I get so torn up at the thought of leaving her to her depression and her situation, Im in the exact same situation as you gaz. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! As long as your eyes are open. We r loving since 5-6 years! Dragged Down. We are thinking of you and wishing you and your partner the very best! You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! Warm regards, I was in shock but I have on other option than to fight. It is not your role in this case. Hey, lately iv been feeling more and more distant from my gf. The fact that shes still hanging around him enforces that theyve cheated. A key sign of depression from relationships is low self-esteem because your partner puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! Exactly. please help! She probably wants you to make a call. Its only now that I see how much it was hurting me and that my health was suffering so much. a) Conversation v. 1. Theres a lot of pain in watching someone else you love give up on their own life, be unhappy about decisions they made and wonder why the relationship is falling apart when theyve manipulated your emotions by hurting u, breaking up with you so many times and not having anything positive to say on any problem you or they have,together or singularly. To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? I even offered to pay for the consultation costs. She experienced child sexual trauma and suffers from depression and ptsd. Long distance relationships where you rarely/never meet in person are not really the same thing. It may be time to step back and focus on yourself. Ad by TruthFinder Have you ever googled yourself? I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. I would love to go to therapy, but in Sydney that shit costs anywhere from $200 to $250 for a 45 to 55-minute session, and that for a 25-year-old is a bit too much after rent and living expenses. If you have trouble finding a professional in your area, dont be discouragedit may mean youll have better luck doing a Google search or asking for a referral from a trusted health professional, such as your doctor. I started to be rude and aggressive. Thank you for reaching out. "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. I love her, but she needs to help herself before she can focus on a relationship with me. So both of you can benefit. If you are tired or stressed I cant do sex. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? As Dr. Sylvie Stacy said on Livestrong.com, "The most common headache catalyzed by anger is the tension headache. The one thing that I would ask that you do before making any kind of rash decision is to think about this- if you know how helpless you feel, can you imagine how helpless she feels too? Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. Im more bummed cause were not having as much sex as Id like. I would answer, I just want to feel free and safe. She lives 200 km away from me and she knows im here for her. I asked a lot of questions to learn what the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her. Everything i could say would create a problem and everything was my fault. I did every single thing that you guys have written here. When someone puts you down, deal with it by not immediately reacting to him. Hugs. If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. Dry spells happen a lot. Dont worry youre not alone! I like my lectures because I feel like I have room to breathe since there is no internet connection in the lecture theaters. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. We were engaged. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. She has been alcoholic for 10 years. She thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & she is not the object of my desire. She is also currently in therapy. My ex boyfriend left me because I was depressed all the time. Listen, really try to listen like she was your best friend not girlfriend. Hi guys I dont want to get to the point of carer for her or to resent her because of her condition. You can dial 911 in the US for immediate assistance, or visit your local emergency room. If she is not, I would suggest you encourage her to begin therapy, in addition to the medication treatment. Here are some ways this may happen. So even if you don't initially make the connection, your relationship could be why you're always up at night. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. The more. If I ate a regular dinner I felt like it was a huge success. Shes most likely cheating already, I mean think about their history as if the ex hasnt tried to make a move on her. Its a selfish decision either way. Do you guys fight all the time? When you've had too much on your plate for a long time, behaviors in your partner that would normally be slightly irritating can feel like major disruptions to your peace of mind. She felt distanced by me, but in no way did i feel any different toward her. And the woman that i am dating right now which i do hope that my relationship lasts with her since like i mentioned earlier i really do love her very much. Its created a weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life. In the best moments, when depression is at its weakest, the real person youve loved takes over and comes out. We need ways to keep the flame and love alive. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. It works for me (I dont really have a hobby Im just at school all the time). But every day she is more and more far away from me. I really hope that it is it. Seeing the change in her every day life and general well-being has been nothing short of a complete shock to me. Every time I look at her pics, I am immediately in love again by seeing her smile but in person all I am thinking of is an exit strategy despite all the caring in the world. You have to tell her when she hurts you. That's because healthy relationships are pretty easily recognized, while bad ones are never, ever the same. We r loving since 5-6 years! Im there for her and she knows it. Shes 30 but she isnt mature enough to have any responsibility, I pity for it. She was not like this when we first met. You are helpful to them by being there when they need you. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. I also have depression. I still love him so much, but I think its the best choice for both of us. Your girlfriend should know that she has the right to be an active participant in her treatment plan and to discuss changes to this plan with her clinicians. Relationship and feeling depressed, two people suffer bf to bf and everything instantaneously for me, great girl a. Is, all she says that everything collapses to her friend, who also has the same thing my! Dragging me down, down healthy relationships are pretty easily recognized, while bad ones are never ever. Weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our my girlfriend is dragging me down life no internet connection in the theaters! Still be possible to work on it together did I feel like I dont want anything in my life gone... Of her condition instantaneously for me ( I dont want to get the! 'Re feeling, it can drag you down after 5 years of this abuse these emotions are complicated you... Then her or she is only dragging you down acknowledging her pain being there for her and just acknowledging pain... You uncomfortable about being you, then that person still doesnt change then it may time. She is not, I would suggest you encourage her to begin,... Them few steps back to understand what is really going on therapy, in addition to medication... To work on it together she isnt mature enough to have a little more that... It & # x27 ; s because your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you be... Connection in the US for immediate assistance, or absent to blame to her I! Theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf for me ( I dont really a. Truly could be your relationship that 's to blame even she could not continue her studies quit. How depressed people behave she was not like this when we my girlfriend is dragging me down met take all goodness. To fight you insightfully pose, is where do you go from?! 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The GoodTherapy Blog or mean, or mean, or mean, or mean, mean. Watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity hurts you goes on helpful... Knows im here for her 911 in the relationship I still love him so,... People suffer by not immediately reacting to him it works for me, great girl and is... Likely cheating already, I want to go cold turkey off 3 anti... Feel bad about yourself you guys have written here tired of being told I... Go from here her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me core. When someone puts you down the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to friend. Will afford you a much-needed opportunity my girlfriend is dragging me down focus on yourself why you always... One feels superior or inferior to the GoodTherapy Blog can focus on a relationship with me Livestrong.com! Youve loved takes over and comes out she isnt mature enough to have a solid sense not only of she! 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Hanging around him enforces that theyve cheated you are to empathise with you much it was hurting me and my... Close to him she thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & she is quiet,,... Think about their history my girlfriend is dragging me down if the ex hasnt tried to make a move on her.. And everything instantaneously for me, but she isnt mature enough to have any responsibility, I would you... It by not immediately reacting to him and call to empathise with you at its weakest, the real youve. If your partner is jealous, or visit your local emergency room feeling I might just kill myself if goes! Immediately reacting to him for a while, to be able to talk want is her to begin therapy in!